Tramps and Vagabonds Blurb

[osprey_archer]

I have a draft of a blurb for Tramps and Vagabonds! It is, perhaps, a little too long/detailed? I may be overcorrecting, because some of my older blurbs are definitely shorter and perhaps vaguer than a blurb should be... I blame my experience writing fanfic summaries.

Please let me know what you think! Is anything unclear? Should anything be cut and/or added?

***

“We’re in this together, share and share alike, you said, and you got to let me share the bad too.”

Bold, streetwise James has been riding the rails and living by his wits in the midst of the Great Depression ever since he ran away from his uncle’s house two years ago. When he pauses to catch his breath with a stint at the Civilian Conservation Corps, he meets Timothy, who has never spent a day on the road but sure would like to give it a try.

James figures sweet angel-faced Timothy will last maybe a few days. They’ll jump a train or two, see some of the country, maybe fool around a little. It’s part of the freedom of the road that no one minds much about two boys canoodling. Then Timothy will get tired of slumming it, and head on home.

But Timothy sticks it out. He’s just as much fun as James hoped and then some, and tougher than he looks, too. Soon James and Timothy rely on each other for everything, sharing whatever food and money they can scrounge, and leaning on each other in their troubles, too.

As weeks turn into months and the weather grows cold, James starts to worry. Winter is the dangerous season, and Timothy could easily die if he doesn’t go home. Only Timothy refuses to leave James - and James doesn’t want to lose him. He never realized till now just how stuck he’s gotten on Timothy.

But James can’t stand that he’s keeping Timothy in danger. Can James and Timothy find a place where they can be safe - and stay together?


Content notes for days. Police brutality, general fisticuffs, rampant petty thievery, transactional sex, sexual menace, period-typical attitudes especially toward homosexuality (by which I mean not only homophobia but “Which parties in this sexual interaction are actually considered queer?”), references to child abuse, references to sexual assault. One of my beta-readers said she read half the book peeking through her fingers because it was so emotionally intense. Make of that what you will.

Comments

[philomytha]

Oh, this sounds excellent!

[osprey_archer]

Thank you! I have high hopes for this one.

[minutia_r]

It's interesting that you seem to have written this blurb in James's voice; that's not something I generally see done, although it does give more of the flavor of the story than the more usual run of wikipedia-neutral-point-of-view. I wouldn't end both sentences in the third paragraph with "..., too" though.

[osprey_archer]

Oh gracious! Yes, I should probably take one of those out...

The voice in the book is very much like this, except even more so. I figure that people should have plenty of warning what they're getting into in case they want to back out.

[ellenmillion]

A few random thoughts: I think it would be a stint IN the CCC, not at?

I also feel like we're given a question (will Timothy stick it out?) and then the answer and a timeline, which is less compelling than leaving it a question, and 'starts to worry' is fairly passive. Perhaps something simpler for those last 2 paragraphs, like: When a summer adventure turns into winter hardships, James doesn't want to endanger Timothy, but can he bear to part with him, either?

(This is half a rushed thought, use what's useful.)

[osprey_archer]

Is this better? The answer to the question "Will Timothy stick it out?" is still implied, but it's not explicitly stated, as it was before.

James figures sweet angel-faced Timothy will last a few weeks at most. They’ll jump a train or two, see some of the country, maybe fool around a little: on the road no one minds much about two boys canoodling. Then Timothy will get tired of slumming it, and head on home.

In the meantime, Timothy’s just as much fun as James hoped and then some, and tougher than he looks, too. Soon James and Timothy share everything, splitting whatever food and money and good times they can scrounge, and leaning on each other when they run into trouble.

But summer fades into autumn, and James knows that Timothy ought to go home before the deadly winter arrives. James doesn’t want to endanger Timothy by encouraging him to stay on the road, but can he bear to part with him?

[skygiants]

What about balancing the stakes to keep the final line punchy -- "James can't stand to keep Timothy in danger, but can he bear to lose him?" Or something like that? (Otherwise, the rest of the summary seems very clear to me! EXTREMELY looking forward to it. :D)

[osprey_archer]

Oh, that's good! Punchy and to the point!

Do you think I should keep that first italicized line? It's a quote from the book and I think it sort of captures the feeling of the story, but possibly putting a pull-quote in the summary is a bad habit I picked up from fanfic.

[skygiants]

Personally I like it! Though I may also have bad habits from fanfic ...

[asakiyume]

I like where you've gotten to with the blurb here! It sounds good, and it will be great to see what cover you get for it.

[osprey_archer]

I'm hoping to have the cover by the end of the month but We Shall See.

[genarti]

I like this ending line a lot!

Blurb advice I've heard on the eroticanons list from people who write better blurbs than I is that your final question shouldn't be a yes/no question -- readers know that "will they find happiness together?" is a yes, just by genre convention. The real question is how will they do this, what will they have to sacrifice for this, how can they balance X and Y and find Z together. Which I think this is implicitly asking, even if it's phrased as a yes/no -- he can't bear to lose him, the reader fills in, so how will the two of them balance those two opposing desires?

[osprey_archer]

Yes, I think the fact there's a tension between the two halves of "James can't stand to keep Timothy in danger, but can he bear to lose him?" sort of makes up for the fact that it's technically a yes/no question. The options are mutually exclusive, so he's got to pick one - but both of them are bad! How to find a way out of this dilemma?

[sovay]

I have a draft of a blurb for Tramps and Vagabonds!

I just realized every time I read the title, it gets the folk song "Tramps and Hawkers" stuck in my head, which is more of a feature than a bug because I have very fond memories of being sung that song at a party something like twenty years ago: and if the weather please me fair, I'm happy every day.

Nothing in this blurb is unclear; it feels as though it could be condensed slightly.

“Which parties in this sexual interaction are actually considered queer?”

Ha! Mazel tov! If twenty-first-century labels break down, then you did it right.

[osprey_archer]

James actually sings a bit of that song in the book! I actually considered Tramps and Hawkers as a title, but no one hawks anything in the entire book and people uninitiated to the folksong would probably have gone "Huh?"

There is a scene where James explains Sexuality Labels in Hobo Culture to Timothy and I still expect some readers still will not get it. Such is life!

[sovay]

James actually sings a bit of that song in the book!

Nice!

I actually considered Tramps and Hawkers as a title, but no one hawks anything in the entire book and people uninitiated to the folksong would probably have gone "Huh?"

It might have initiated some of them to it, you never know.

There is a scene where James explains Sexuality Labels in Hobo Culture to Timothy and I still expect some readers still will not get it. Such is life!

Well, I look forward to that.

[osprey_archer]

I may mention the song in the historical note. I suspect people might be more motivated to look for it after they've read the book than just based on the title, anyway.

[genarti]

Same! Though now I'm very curious about the version you know; the only one I know is Alex Beaton's version, which doesn't have that line in it. At any rate, fully agreed that this is a feature rather than a bug for me as well.

[sovay]

Though now I'm very curious about the version you know; the only one I know is Alex Beaton's version, which doesn't have that line in it.

It was sung by a woodcarver named Fenwick who had been part of the same commune as one of my college professors and one of our mutual friends who I used to perform with; the friend was playing the concertina. I didn't learn his name until after the party was over, when he sounded like a character out of a novel by Elizabeth Hand. I meant to ask him to carve me a green man, but it was early in 2006 and my life fell apart and I never did. I hope he's still alive.

[konstantya]

I like it, and like it even better with the suggested changes! The fact that it's (more or less) in James's voice is a point in its favor, I feel--definitely gives it a bit more personality than it would have otherwise.

I'm trying to step back and pretend I don't know the ins and outs of the story, and I'm pretty sure this would have given me a good idea as to what I was getting into, if I'd had it before the beta read? So, success on that front!

[osprey_archer]

The book is so very much in James's voice made it almost impossible to write the blurb any other way - it just had to reflect that.

I'm hoping the blurb will help readers see that this aimless wandering IS going somewhere, eventually!