Torchwood stuff
May. 27th, 2008 11:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
osprey_archerJust watched 2.11: Adrift. I’m annoyed that they arranged the episode in order to prove Jack right. Because really, if one of your loved ones disappeared into the Rift and came out screaming endlessly, wouldn’t you rather know about it than spend the next fifty years of your life scouring crowd videos in case you saw his face? I would. I think there’s a very good argument that Jack’s secret asylum is very, very wrong, which the writers totally threw out the window.
Also, I may be the only person on the planet here, but Ianto and Jack's relationship really does not strike me as quite so healthy. Interesting, yes. Fluffable? Not so much.
Still. I’m two episodes from the end. The problem with watching television shows after the fact is that you end up being spoiled for everything. I’m kind of trapped between wanting to stop watching Torchwood at the point where everyone is still more or less alive, and knowing that I have to see it through to the bitter end.
This is part of the reason why there is not so much new Torchwood fic lately. I’m working on something! Really! Which is almost finished. Tea and Sympathy, part 4, not so much.
But this below has been sitting on my hard drive for a while, so I thought I would share.
Torchwood: the Snarkfest Episode Guide, part 1.
Episode 1
Jack offers Gwen a job.
Gwen: But you have no idea if I’m qualified.
Jack: It’s a top secret job where you save the world daily. What possible qualifications could you need?
Gwen: ….
Jack: I don’t hire people for competence. I hire people that I think are hot.
Gwen: In that case, how can I refuse?
Episode 2
Gwen unleashes the Evil Alien Sex Apparition of Doom.
Jack: Thank God, she’s incompetent enough to fit in. I was worried for a minute I might have hired a competent one by mistake.
Tosh: I’m competent.
Jack: You’ll get over it.
Ianto: I’m competent!
Everyone ignores him, because he needs a reason to go berserk eventually. Jack saves Cardiff by being a sex god.
Episode 3
Owen: I am the masked avenger! Rah!
Also, Jack gives Gwen weapons training.
Ianto: Is that what they’re calling it these days?
Jack: Nothing is sexy like a euphemism.
Episode 4
Ianto unleashes his Evil Cyber Girlfriend on the world. Accidentally? Well, sort of.
Ianto: You all ignore me! All the time! You never remember my birthday! Or our anniversary! Or—
Jack: Ianto, you make us coffee and do janitorial stuff. We’re not required to forge a deep emotional connection with you for that.
Everyone except Ianto shoots the cyborg and the world is saved.
Episode 5
Tiny small children, fairies, and CGI are all evil.
Episode 6
Team Torchwood nearly gets eaten by cannibals. Jack saves them. Why is it that even in a British TV show the American is the only competent special agent?
Once they’ve returned to the Hub:
Jack: Right then, everyone, weapons training!
Everyone: All of us? Together?
Jack: It will be fun! Team bonding!
Gwen and Owen, at least, decide that weapons training is a good idea.
Also, I may be the only person on the planet here, but Ianto and Jack's relationship really does not strike me as quite so healthy. Interesting, yes. Fluffable? Not so much.
Still. I’m two episodes from the end. The problem with watching television shows after the fact is that you end up being spoiled for everything. I’m kind of trapped between wanting to stop watching Torchwood at the point where everyone is still more or less alive, and knowing that I have to see it through to the bitter end.
This is part of the reason why there is not so much new Torchwood fic lately. I’m working on something! Really! Which is almost finished. Tea and Sympathy, part 4, not so much.
But this below has been sitting on my hard drive for a while, so I thought I would share.
Torchwood: the Snarkfest Episode Guide, part 1.
Episode 1
Jack offers Gwen a job.
Gwen: But you have no idea if I’m qualified.
Jack: It’s a top secret job where you save the world daily. What possible qualifications could you need?
Gwen: ….
Jack: I don’t hire people for competence. I hire people that I think are hot.
Gwen: In that case, how can I refuse?
Episode 2
Gwen unleashes the Evil Alien Sex Apparition of Doom.
Jack: Thank God, she’s incompetent enough to fit in. I was worried for a minute I might have hired a competent one by mistake.
Tosh: I’m competent.
Jack: You’ll get over it.
Ianto: I’m competent!
Everyone ignores him, because he needs a reason to go berserk eventually. Jack saves Cardiff by being a sex god.
Episode 3
Owen: I am the masked avenger! Rah!
Also, Jack gives Gwen weapons training.
Ianto: Is that what they’re calling it these days?
Jack: Nothing is sexy like a euphemism.
Episode 4
Ianto unleashes his Evil Cyber Girlfriend on the world. Accidentally? Well, sort of.
Ianto: You all ignore me! All the time! You never remember my birthday! Or our anniversary! Or—
Jack: Ianto, you make us coffee and do janitorial stuff. We’re not required to forge a deep emotional connection with you for that.
Everyone except Ianto shoots the cyborg and the world is saved.
Episode 5
Tiny small children, fairies, and CGI are all evil.
Episode 6
Team Torchwood nearly gets eaten by cannibals. Jack saves them. Why is it that even in a British TV show the American is the only competent special agent?
Once they’ve returned to the Hub:
Jack: Right then, everyone, weapons training!
Everyone: All of us? Together?
Jack: It will be fun! Team bonding!
Gwen and Owen, at least, decide that weapons training is a good idea.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-06-01 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-02 12:05 am (UTC)I won't have a chance to look at it until tomorrow night, but it's been received.
::digs out printer::