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osprey_archer(The lecturer walks to the podium and glowers at his students, particularly one blue-haired menace who has spent the last three classes studying the rate and velocity of variously deployed spitballs. The lecturer clears his throat eruditely.)
My lord Teegress, if you will be so kind as to remove all paper substances from your desk before we begin—thank you.
Whilst cleaning out the archives at the University of Corus, I found this scrap of parchment: an unfinished thesis by one of our first woman students, Lady Tora of Teegress:
A Study of the Effects of Amatory Verse on the Socio-Sexual Behavior of Scanran Youths
By Tora of Teegress
All Tortallans know of the Scanran sagas, which skalds sing during the long, cold winters, whilst all Scanrans gather around the fires in their rough longhouses, pick lice from their overgrown hair, and quaff beer from horns.
But the land of Scanra has another, softer genre of song. When the snow is melting and the snowdrops bloom and the sparrows begin to sing, Scanran men remove themselves from the longhouse, braid fertility ringlets of snowdrops into their hair, and compose love songs for the lasses of the village.
Integral in my quest to translate and scribe some of these love songs is the Scanran warrior Higgur Studson. He has aided me in translation of a good many songs. For instance:
I cannot equivocate my appreciation for large posteriors.
My shield brothers cannot deny that a maiden of large derriere
Moves them to honor Freyr, god of virility…
The original is somewhat cruder.
In fact, Higgur—I mean, Herr Studson—introduced me to a cult of Freyr worshippers, who keep a special roundhouse in the woods where they display many carvings on a devotional nature. I felt that many of these carvings depicted anatomical impossibilities, but Higgur assured me this is not so. I have discovered that he is quite right….
There ends the parchment, with an ink blot and a few loop-de-loops. Appended is this picture, which I can only assume is Herr Studson:
(He pauses, glowering at the spitball-flinging miscreant, and continues pointedly.)
I must fear for the purity of the bloodline of Lady Teegress’s descendents.
Next week in the Scanran Lecture Series is Scanran Fertility Cults: The Incidence of Conflict Between the Cult of the Honey Bee, the Cult of the Bull, and the Cult of the Three Headed Hel Beast. Don’t be late!
My lord Teegress, if you will be so kind as to remove all paper substances from your desk before we begin—thank you.
Whilst cleaning out the archives at the University of Corus, I found this scrap of parchment: an unfinished thesis by one of our first woman students, Lady Tora of Teegress:
A Study of the Effects of Amatory Verse on the Socio-Sexual Behavior of Scanran Youths
By Tora of Teegress
All Tortallans know of the Scanran sagas, which skalds sing during the long, cold winters, whilst all Scanrans gather around the fires in their rough longhouses, pick lice from their overgrown hair, and quaff beer from horns.
But the land of Scanra has another, softer genre of song. When the snow is melting and the snowdrops bloom and the sparrows begin to sing, Scanran men remove themselves from the longhouse, braid fertility ringlets of snowdrops into their hair, and compose love songs for the lasses of the village.
Integral in my quest to translate and scribe some of these love songs is the Scanran warrior Higgur Studson. He has aided me in translation of a good many songs. For instance:
I cannot equivocate my appreciation for large posteriors.
My shield brothers cannot deny that a maiden of large derriere
Moves them to honor Freyr, god of virility…
The original is somewhat cruder.
In fact, Higgur—I mean, Herr Studson—introduced me to a cult of Freyr worshippers, who keep a special roundhouse in the woods where they display many carvings on a devotional nature. I felt that many of these carvings depicted anatomical impossibilities, but Higgur assured me this is not so. I have discovered that he is quite right….
There ends the parchment, with an ink blot and a few loop-de-loops. Appended is this picture, which I can only assume is Herr Studson:
(He pauses, glowering at the spitball-flinging miscreant, and continues pointedly.)
I must fear for the purity of the bloodline of Lady Teegress’s descendents.
Next week in the Scanran Lecture Series is Scanran Fertility Cults: The Incidence of Conflict Between the Cult of the Honey Bee, the Cult of the Bull, and the Cult of the Three Headed Hel Beast. Don’t be late!
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no subject
Date: 2008-09-02 02:14 am (UTC)(Ok, teaching the ape children about their ancestry using the discovery channel method is hilarious. ..I have to admit that I am really scared for the next lecture, though.)
no subject
Date: 2008-09-02 04:32 am (UTC)