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osprey_archerThe Colt is a Hallmark movie. I didn’t realize this until I had put it in and the titles were rolling, and then I saw it with dismay. “Oh no,” I wailed. “Am I in for something heartwarming?”
No. No I was not.
First, because I know someone will ask: although the colt spends most of the movie In Peril, he does live through it.
The movie is based on a short story by Mikhail Sholokhov, which originally was about Cossacks but here has been transplanted into the American Civil War. Our hero, Jim Rabb, is a private in the US cavalry, who is unpleasantly surprised one day to discover that his mare has given birth to a colt.
As you can imagine, a colt is an inconvenient thing for the cavalry, and Jim’s commanding officer orders him to shoot the colt. However, Jim, and the sergeant, and then the commanding officer himself can’t quite bring themselves to shoot it, so the colt stays around to act as a mascot for the company and also to make trouble.
The colt doesn’t mean to make trouble, mind. It’s just that he’s so irresistibly cute that Confederates keep trying to steal him. Jim rides after the offending Confederate, shoots him off his horse, and then stays with the man as he dies because the fellow asks him to. And would Jim write to his sister to let her know that he’s dead? And also bury him somewhere less lonesome than this out of the way spot?
It was at this point that I become uneasily aware that this movie, far from desiring to warm the heart, actually wants to crush it to a pulp.
And it certainly achieves its desire! In the last scene (after Jim has buried the Confederate, retrieved his colt, and returned to his unit), the cavalry is trying to cross a river when a platoon of Confederates attack. We have been following these Confederates for most of the film, as they picked up a deserter from Georgia named Hatch, who has so antagonized his new platoon that the sergeant threatens to shoot him if he doesn’t shoot someone in the coming battle.
So the gunfight starts as the Union troops are crossing the creek. Naturally, everyone is running for cover… but the current is too strong for the colt, who is in danger of being washed down the river. Jim leaps to the rescue! He saves the colt right before it gets sucked under a fallen tree! The troops call a ceasefire as Jim and the colt come back to shore, and the Confederate sergeant even comes into the water to help carry the colt out!
AND THEN THAT SONOFABITCH HATCH SHOOTS JIM LIKE THE MONSTER THAT HE IS. NEVER FORGET. NEVER SURRENDER.
There is a lot of adorable colt footage, but it’s probably not the movie for you unless you have a high tolerance for Cute Animals in Peril and also having your heart ripped out.
No. No I was not.
First, because I know someone will ask: although the colt spends most of the movie In Peril, he does live through it.
The movie is based on a short story by Mikhail Sholokhov, which originally was about Cossacks but here has been transplanted into the American Civil War. Our hero, Jim Rabb, is a private in the US cavalry, who is unpleasantly surprised one day to discover that his mare has given birth to a colt.
As you can imagine, a colt is an inconvenient thing for the cavalry, and Jim’s commanding officer orders him to shoot the colt. However, Jim, and the sergeant, and then the commanding officer himself can’t quite bring themselves to shoot it, so the colt stays around to act as a mascot for the company and also to make trouble.
The colt doesn’t mean to make trouble, mind. It’s just that he’s so irresistibly cute that Confederates keep trying to steal him. Jim rides after the offending Confederate, shoots him off his horse, and then stays with the man as he dies because the fellow asks him to. And would Jim write to his sister to let her know that he’s dead? And also bury him somewhere less lonesome than this out of the way spot?
It was at this point that I become uneasily aware that this movie, far from desiring to warm the heart, actually wants to crush it to a pulp.
And it certainly achieves its desire! In the last scene (after Jim has buried the Confederate, retrieved his colt, and returned to his unit), the cavalry is trying to cross a river when a platoon of Confederates attack. We have been following these Confederates for most of the film, as they picked up a deserter from Georgia named Hatch, who has so antagonized his new platoon that the sergeant threatens to shoot him if he doesn’t shoot someone in the coming battle.
So the gunfight starts as the Union troops are crossing the creek. Naturally, everyone is running for cover… but the current is too strong for the colt, who is in danger of being washed down the river. Jim leaps to the rescue! He saves the colt right before it gets sucked under a fallen tree! The troops call a ceasefire as Jim and the colt come back to shore, and the Confederate sergeant even comes into the water to help carry the colt out!
AND THEN THAT SONOFABITCH HATCH SHOOTS JIM LIKE THE MONSTER THAT HE IS. NEVER FORGET. NEVER SURRENDER.
There is a lot of adorable colt footage, but it’s probably not the movie for you unless you have a high tolerance for Cute Animals in Peril and also having your heart ripped out.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-13 01:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-07-14 01:47 am (UTC)And then Hatch shot our hero in the back and suddenly everyone was shooting again. HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND.