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osprey_archerI will note that these points, with pronouns appropriately swapped out, will work for any combination of genders; it’s written as it is because I had a specific person in mind when I wrote it, and also because this is the form it generally appears in when it’s a plot in a story.
Why Sleeping with Someone Else in Order to Punish Your Boyfriend Is a Bad Idea
1. Your boyfriend may not care. If so, he either a) doesn’t give a flying fig about you, b) is deeply hurt but hiding it, or c) is so evolved he doesn’t care who you sleep with. If it’s a), that obviously sucks for you because your plan failed. If b), that also sucks for you for reasons I will outline momentarily. If c), it isn’t c). You’re deluding yourself; it’s probably a) and you just don’t want to admit it.
2. As to why b) sucks: first, you won’t know it’s b) because this is real life, not a movie, and you don’t get to see the montage where, after feigning cool indifference, he collapses on his bed and sobs. You will believe that he’s one of those cruel a)'s and be deeply hurt that he doesn’t care.
3. Any boy who likes you who is particularly clever or reserved is going to be type b). If he’s clever, he’ll realize your game and not want to give you any satisfaction from it (and, indeed, probably not want you anymore either, you obnoxious game-playing brat. Would you want a boyfriend who behaved this way?). If he’s reserved, he just won’t want to get hurt more, as he inevitably will be if there’s a confrontation.
4. But let’s say you’re dating an outgoing and less-than-entirely analytical chap, who decides that the proper way to deal with your infidelity is to have a confrontation. Hurrah! You got what you wanted!
5. Unfortunately, it’s surprisingly less pleasant than you expected. If you care about the guy, the fact that he’s so upset will probably upset you, although of course you (being a clever girl) are not going to show how uncertain and guilty you feel in the face of his shouting/tears/silent but intense displeasure. After all, you’re punishing him, and it’s totally just and fair, right?
6. Alas, your guilt will stick with you. His tragic face will haunt your waking hours. You will feel that perhaps you behaved badly—but no! you can’t have, not you!—no, you must rationalize away your feelings of guilt. He started this by ignoring you! He’s a misogynist pig who thinks he owns your sexuality; how dare he be upset with you for cheating!
7. You do realize that your entire plan is predicated on the fact that sleeping with someone else will make him jealous? It’s a bit late in the game to complain it worked.
8. You do realize, also, that you would be very hurt if he was running around banging your best friends? Because you’re a misandrist pig who thinks she owns her boyfriend’s sexuality.
9. Of course, it’s always possible you don’t care about the guy, and his tears move you not at all. In this case: why in the name of God are you dating him? Why are you putting so much effort into a relationship that is doing nothing for you?
10. Indeed, even if you do like him, or did like him before you got so angry at him that you conceived this foolish plan—what is the relationship doing for you? You’ve just systematically destroyed whatever trust was left between the two of you. You’ve hurt yourself as much as you’ve hurt him. This is, any way you look at it, a pretty crappy revenge.
Why yes, one of my acquaintances just tried to do this very thing. And yes indeed, it backfired, because by the time she got mad enough to try this tactic there was absolutely nothing he could do that would prove he’s jealous enough to assuage her hurt feelings. No, wait; an extremely overblown jealous reaction, like running around with a shotgun, might have proved he cared, but unfortunately it would also have proved that he’s a maniac which would not have made her feel better.
Good GOD. I love revenge stories as much as anyone, but in real life, living well is not just the best—but also the only—revenge that works.
Why Sleeping with Someone Else in Order to Punish Your Boyfriend Is a Bad Idea
1. Your boyfriend may not care. If so, he either a) doesn’t give a flying fig about you, b) is deeply hurt but hiding it, or c) is so evolved he doesn’t care who you sleep with. If it’s a), that obviously sucks for you because your plan failed. If b), that also sucks for you for reasons I will outline momentarily. If c), it isn’t c). You’re deluding yourself; it’s probably a) and you just don’t want to admit it.
2. As to why b) sucks: first, you won’t know it’s b) because this is real life, not a movie, and you don’t get to see the montage where, after feigning cool indifference, he collapses on his bed and sobs. You will believe that he’s one of those cruel a)'s and be deeply hurt that he doesn’t care.
3. Any boy who likes you who is particularly clever or reserved is going to be type b). If he’s clever, he’ll realize your game and not want to give you any satisfaction from it (and, indeed, probably not want you anymore either, you obnoxious game-playing brat. Would you want a boyfriend who behaved this way?). If he’s reserved, he just won’t want to get hurt more, as he inevitably will be if there’s a confrontation.
4. But let’s say you’re dating an outgoing and less-than-entirely analytical chap, who decides that the proper way to deal with your infidelity is to have a confrontation. Hurrah! You got what you wanted!
5. Unfortunately, it’s surprisingly less pleasant than you expected. If you care about the guy, the fact that he’s so upset will probably upset you, although of course you (being a clever girl) are not going to show how uncertain and guilty you feel in the face of his shouting/tears/silent but intense displeasure. After all, you’re punishing him, and it’s totally just and fair, right?
6. Alas, your guilt will stick with you. His tragic face will haunt your waking hours. You will feel that perhaps you behaved badly—but no! you can’t have, not you!—no, you must rationalize away your feelings of guilt. He started this by ignoring you! He’s a misogynist pig who thinks he owns your sexuality; how dare he be upset with you for cheating!
7. You do realize that your entire plan is predicated on the fact that sleeping with someone else will make him jealous? It’s a bit late in the game to complain it worked.
8. You do realize, also, that you would be very hurt if he was running around banging your best friends? Because you’re a misandrist pig who thinks she owns her boyfriend’s sexuality.
9. Of course, it’s always possible you don’t care about the guy, and his tears move you not at all. In this case: why in the name of God are you dating him? Why are you putting so much effort into a relationship that is doing nothing for you?
10. Indeed, even if you do like him, or did like him before you got so angry at him that you conceived this foolish plan—what is the relationship doing for you? You’ve just systematically destroyed whatever trust was left between the two of you. You’ve hurt yourself as much as you’ve hurt him. This is, any way you look at it, a pretty crappy revenge.
Why yes, one of my acquaintances just tried to do this very thing. And yes indeed, it backfired, because by the time she got mad enough to try this tactic there was absolutely nothing he could do that would prove he’s jealous enough to assuage her hurt feelings. No, wait; an extremely overblown jealous reaction, like running around with a shotgun, might have proved he cared, but unfortunately it would also have proved that he’s a maniac which would not have made her feel better.
Good GOD. I love revenge stories as much as anyone, but in real life, living well is not just the best—but also the only—revenge that works.
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-19 07:44 am (UTC)7. You do realize that your entire plan is predicated on the fact that sleeping with someone else will make him jealous? It’s a bit late in the game to complain it worked.
It's just the right combination of bitchy and logical...see, you are Spock.
no subject
Date: 2009-05-20 03:02 am (UTC)