Rules of Engagement

[osprey_archer]

My friend B. got engaged this weekend. This is, for a variety of reasons, rather a poor idea - but she knows that, and she knows everyone thinks that, so in lieu of exasperation I've said I'll bake the cake.

Given the way the rest of the world has reacted, getting engaged before you've reached legal drinking age is the new standard for depravity. It might even be worse than waiting to have sex until you're married, and we all know how sick that is. Another friend of mine, M., threatened - and as far as I know has actually carried through her threat - to stop talking to B.



This is possibly my most liberal friend, in the sense of "She would vote for the Democrats if they nominated Satan," not the free-thinking sense. If B. had engaged in a BDSM orgy in front of the courthouse at noon, no problem (okay, I'm exaggerating, but if it had been midnight that would have been fine), but if she wants to plight her troth to the man she loves until death do them part? OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. ENGAGED? There should be laws against that. Like there used to be against sodomy.

I don't think M. realizes that "I am in favor of all consenting sexual behavior as long as your grandmother wouldn't have approved" is an inconsistent position. If you're really in favor of sexual freedom, you have to be in favor of, you know, people doing things you don't approve of. It's no great feat to tolerate things you like - in fact it isn't even tolerance. To tolerate something implies that, you know, you aren't actually in favor of it.

Yes, I realize that statistically young marriages are more likely to fail. So are second marriages. Should divorcees refuse to remarry on the grounds that the stats are against them? Couples who cohabit before marriage are also more likely to break up. Maybe she shouldn't move in with her boyfriend after all, M. Perhaps no one should ever get married unless the stats align, like astrological signs.

Except I don't think anything as rational as statistics has anything to do with this. She just knee-jerk hates the idea of early marriages, on the grounds that anyone who marries young must be a worthless person (and if you read enough Twilight reviews you will find she has company in this opinion), because it's not like that's a prejudiced opinion at all. Because she's a liberal, and liberals aren't prejudiced ever.

I have nothing against liberals. Generally speaking I am one. But this kind of thinking makes me want to kick something.

So they aren't speaking to each other. And probably won't be by spring break. Or possibly ever again.

Meh.



***

Here, have a video of the 1900 World's Fair in Paris. Hansom cabs! The Eiffel tower! Victorians mugging for the camera! And that's just in the first two minutes.

Also, photographs of waves, which are quite stunning. They look like glass, in the best possible way.

Glass, if it's left to stand long enough - like 150 years long enough - will start to pool at the bottom of its pane. Because glass is not really quite solid; it yearns to be water, and sometimes it succeeds.

Comments

[goldjadeocean.livejournal.com]

I Approve of your rant! My parents married at 19/21, and my brother at 20/21, and surprisingly enough They're All Okay. Also, yes: being accepting of every sexuality but the culture-archetypal het one is also being biased.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

It's amazing the things people do without wrecking their lives, isn't it? :p

If it wasn't personal, I would think the equation of Getting Married Young = Living in Sin hilarious in a twisted sort of way, but...well, really, judgmentalness is awful, and I wish people would stop it.

[entwashian.livejournal.com]

I want a bustle. I think it would sway attractively when I walk.

My parents were married at 19. They met on their high school bowling team.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Hee. I've always wondered how you're supposed to sit down with a bustle, but clearly a generation of women managed it.

I should tell M. that the internets scoff at her anti-early marriage bias. Scoff, scoff. (I expect that wouldn't help. But it's nice to know the internets do scoff.)

[entwashian.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I want a bustle, but that doesn't mean I would actually like it if I got it!

::scoffy scoff scoffs:: ('scoffee'... isn't that sort of like peanut brittle?)

[girl-called-sun.livejournal.com]

The point that tolerance includes the acceptance of things you don't like or approve, is a good one. I hope it work out ok.

The wave pictures are fantastic! I especially like the ones with the sun shining down the barrel of the wave. Beautiful.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

I hope it works out, too, and I think - perhaps this is the cock-eyed optimist in me talking - that it will eventually. But almost certainly not by spring break.

I considered making one of the wave pictures my computer background, but I figured I would spend a lot of time just staring at the background instead of, say, writing my papers. So no pretty wave background.

[anait.livejournal.com]

Whether they end up happy or whether it's ultimately a mistake, what gives someone else the right to dictate what they can or can't do? Marrying at 19 isn't as common as it used to be 30 years ago, but it isn't like it's impossible that they can make it work.

Glass, if it's left to stand long enough - like 150 years long enough - will start to pool at the bottom of its pane. Because glass is not really quite solid; it yearns to be water, and sometimes it succeeds.
What a lovely thought.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

I have no idea, but clearly the delusion that we have the right to dictate how other people live is a common one. *headdesk* Why are people so dumb sometimes?