Links

[osprey_archer]

I come bearing links! Links of hilarity!

First, WTF Bad Romance Covers, a hilarious tumblr of, well, bad romance covers. I found this last night, and some of the entries made me laugh so hard that I couldn't breathe. Objectified Scotsman Thursday is particularly hilarious. (What is it with romance writers and the Scots?)

Second, Flaws Only a Protagonist Could Have, which is a delicious send-up of the non-flaw flaws that writers often give their protagonists. For instance:

She wasn’t perfect. She had two different colored eyes, which is definitely a flaw and not a magnetic, compelling, unusual form of beauty.

Or this one:

I’ve always been different. I like books and animals better than people. Why, I don’t know. Maybe because books and animals are physically incapable of talking to me or having needs that supersede my own, so I can be in total control of them. Books can’t judge you or hurt you. They also can’t talk or eat or build a life with you, but whatever.

Or this one, which may be my favorite:

“I just want to be normal,” she said, even though she had amazing powers and a super-family and was mega-gorgeous and better than normal in every way and the entire book would be terrible if she were normal and she had no conception of what normal was to begin with.

Comments

[konstantya.livejournal.com]

These links are everything I could have wanted on a Friday. Especially WTF Bad Romance Covers. (And one of those Objectified Scotsmen looks frighteningly similar to a guy I once dated--who was, in fact, of Scottish descent. Weird.)

(Edited because I threw an extra word in that title, oops.)

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, maybe they require proof of Scottish descent before they allow a guy to model for these covers. "Do you know your clan tartan? NO? Away with you!"

I wonder what it is with romance novelists and Scots. Is it the tartan? The haggis? What makes Scotsmen such irresistible romance heroes? (I mean, the accent, obviously, but it's not like you can hear that in a novel.)

[goldjadeocean.livejournal.com]

They let you be racist and exotifying without looking like you're racist and exotifying. :)

(No, literally. All the stupid racist tricks the British used on PoC in their colonies, they first perfected at home on other white people.)

Irishmen do get somewhat the same treatment, Welshmen less so. That's because the Welsh have been subjugated to England for years on years, while Ireland and Scotland still resist hegemony. So they're constructed in English language literature as strange, foreign places full of wild men and weird customs, but potentially they have resources that can be exploited. It also lets white people identify with an underclass and get to feel oppressed.

(My Feels about my Anglo-Celtic heritage, I allude to them.)

[konstantya.livejournal.com]

Yeah, echoing with goldjadeocean said, my (admittedly cynical) impression is that it's a way to work that "exotic" angle without actually having to have characters who aren't white.

I've realized that, while I will totally swoon over a real, live Scot (Ewan McGregor, David Tennant, etc., etc.), Highland romances are a really big turn-off--maybe because of that exploitative factor.

[j-cheney.livejournal.com]

Thanks for posting that Tumblr link...I needed a laugh. ;o)

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

It's so funny! The covers are great, but it's really the commentary that makes it hilarious.

[c-maxx.livejournal.com]

Arf! No more good or bad romantic Scotsmen PLEASE!

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Why is it always Scotsman? There don't seem to be books about romantic Irishmen or Welshmen or Belgians or hundreds of other nationalities. Is it the bagpipes?

[athenais.livejournal.com]

I have met many, many Scotsmen and none of them looked like that. Most of them were either weedy and angsty or quite stout and angsty from drinking a lot of beer. Where is my Scottish beefcake in dubious tartan? I FEEL RIPPED OFF.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Maybe the fact that they couldn't live up to the romance covers contributed to their angst! "No lassie will ever love me," the morose Scotsman mumbled into his beer. "My tartan isnae dubious enough."

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

My friend thistle_chaser reviews books, and recently posted this awesome image of six truly WTF covers (http://thistle-chaser.livejournal.com/1441332.html). (Not to mention the titles! I'm impressed she's planning to read them!)

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

How do werebees even work??? Does one person split into a whole hive of bees? So many fascinating worldbuilding opportunities!

Her Tom, Her Lover is a pretty terrible title, but I could see werecats working as a concept. Weretortoises, however, just seem totally unsexy.

[silverusagi]

Poor Scotsmen, lol.

Seriously, though, can you imagine your career being to make covers like this?

[silverusagi]

Okay, this is my favorite. 'Hedging', we get it, but I don't think there needed to be an ACTUAL picture of a hedgehog.

I'm sure I could think of something less sexy than a hedgehog, but it might take me a minute.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

I'm holding out hope that the book is about werehedgehogs. It looks like there's a moon photoshopped over his pants. Maybe he turns into a hedgehog when the moon is full?

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I laughed at the cover of "Borg" w/the comment "This is not how I remember them looking"

She had two different colored eyes, which is definitely a flaw and not a magnetic, compelling, unusual form of beauty.


Haahahaha, totally.

I do hate virtues reported as problems. "I have this problem where I have to finish everything I start" or "I have this problem where I have to drop everything if a friend needs my help." Queue the eye rolling….

[goldjadeocean.livejournal.com]

For those things to actually be problems, they'd have to be things like autism/OCD and Borderline/Dependent Personality Disorder. Which do fuck up peoples' lives! But they are less alluring.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

And these things never actually become a problem in the story! If the character destroyed her friendships in her rush to finish all the things she had started (or failed her classes in her rush to help her friends), fine, those would really be problems.

But no. Usually the author just knows that complex characters are supposed to have flaws, but can't stand to give their baby an actual flaw (which I have some sympathy for, actually; when I give a character a really big flaw, I often feel terribly sorry for them afterward. I'm sure you're a lovely person, X! It's not your fault I made you this way!)

[c-maxx.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Liam Neeson and Jessica Lange back in the 90s? All that money Diana Gabaldon made on Outlander et.seq.??

Maybe it's the bagpipes...

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

I think Outlander has to be at least partially responsible for the fact that Scottish time-travel romance is its own subgenre. If it worked once, right?