Fic: Et Ne Nos Inducas

So there is this new show in the History Channel! It is called Vikings and it is about Ragnar Lothbrok (whose last name means "Furrypants," I just thought you should know) and his wife the shield-maiden Lagertha. sineala calls them the Enthusiastic Consent Vikings, partly because in between sacking monasteries they have lots of enthusiastic sex with each other (which almost makes up for the fact that the writers clearly feel "And then someone attempted to rape Lagertha!" is a useful all-purpose plot device) -

- and partly because when they proposition their kidnapped monk-slave Athelstan and he is like "I took holy vows! Holy cow, Lagertha has a thigh! TEMPTATION TEMPTATION. I will pray and ignore you and hope you go away," they totally do go away and leave him alone.

He doesn't actually say most of that, I am paraphrasing the looks on his face. Athelstan makes all the best faces, which is great, because being a slave he can't always just say whatever he wants. He makes the most adorable "These myths are ridiculous, yet strangely awesome" faces when they explain to him about how, say, the gods made the world using a corpse.

Naturally Lagertha/Ragnar/Athelstan has become the fandom OT3, which of course drew me like a cat to catnip. (Speaking of OT3s, my goal: find an OT3 that is f/f/m rather than m/m/f. Because variety is exciting!) Especially when Athelstan will have all these beautiful issues on account of being a monk and believing that lust is of the devil!

So of course I wrote a fic.

Fic: Et Ne Nos Inducas
Fandom: Vikings (TV)
Pairing: Ragnar/Athelstan, background Ragnar/Lagertha
Rating: R
Warnings: Consensual flogging, rampant abuse of the Pater Noster.
Disclaimer: still not mine
Summary: Athelstan is trying to flagellate himself for penance. Ragnar offers to help.

Also at AO3, Et Ne Nos Inducas

( Et Ne Nos Inducas )

The Borgias, episodes 4-8

LUCREZIAAAAAAAA. I love all the things Lucrezia in episodes 4 to 8: the way she schemes against her abusive husband - her look of suppressed, delighted malice when he falls off his horse and breaks his leg - the way that Giulia Farnese rides to her rescue -

(Favorite non-Lucrezia scene: Giulia Farnese’s confrontation with Giovanni Sforza and his cousin Caterina Sforza, who, it is apparent, is a badass in her own right. Giulia’s self-control is stunning - let’s face it, everything about Giulia Farnese is stunning - )

But my FAVORITE, FAVORITE Lucrezia scene is near the end of episode 8. Lucrezia and Giulia Farnese are hostages/guests of the French king, and the king takes them to admire his armies and his cannon, which are all in fighting gear to sack Rome that very day.

Lucrezia’s distress rolls off her in waves as the French king shows off his cannon by firing them at the papal army which has Lucrezia’s brother Juan at the head. Lucrezia’s voice goes all high and jumpy as she struggles to control her horror - it’s this wonderful contrast to the polite chit-chat she is struggling to make.

And then she rides over to parlay with the papal army, her cloak billowing off her horse behind her.

Such bravery! If the French fired the cannons again she might be torn to bits. But she has to go, because Lucrezia Borgia - just fifteen, sixteen? - is the last best defense against the third sack of Rome.

Her problem: the French king is in such a strong position he has no real reason not to sack it. And also: her brother Juan needs a way to retreat with honor, or else he’ll just get his army killed, poor fool.

(I feel really bad for Juan. Because, first, how will Juan ever live up to Lucrezia’s and Cesare’s awesomeness? And second, though Cesare is probably right that Juan doesn’t have what it takes to lead the papal armies, this defeat is not even slightly his fault. Cesare couldn’t have done much against 25,000 French troops and cannon balls with chains either.)

And Lucrezia figures it out! On the fly, on her feet, having just seen her father’s own soldiers ripped in half by the French cannons, so distressed her voice shakes, Lucrezia comes up with a plan that would allow the papal armies to retreat with honor and the French armies to pass through Rome without sacking it.

And she not only comes up with the plan, but understands well enough how the French king’s mind works to convince him to accept it. That’s why she doesn’t ask for his permission before she rides over to talk to Juan: the king admires bravery, and there is nothing but his admiration of her to stop him from sacking her city.

At least, we hope it will save her city. If the French sack Rome in the next episode I will be sad, but still, Lucrezia gave it everything she had - and she came closer to a solution than anyone else.