![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Thinking of Women as Likeable
Dec. 30th, 2012 09:52 amThis post. So much this post. Thinking of women as likeable in a misogynistic culture is truly a radical act.
It’s about the fact that American culture tries to teach us to see women as default unlikeable, and the fact that one of the most radical things we can do is to refuse to buy into that. To assume that the women we meet, and the female characters we read and watch, are likeable until proven otherwise.
This is, for me, the heart of being a feminist. We can speak all the right words, about rape culture and slut-shaming, and fathom all the mysteries of the patriarchy, and stand up against the iniquities of the earth, but without love, it is nothing. Without love, feminism can be used as just one more set of criteria to impose on women: yet another definition of the right way to be a woman, and yet another way to shame women who don’t fit that definition.
I always wince when I hear someone brag that they have “high standards” for female characters - that before they’ll deign to like a female character, she has to demonstrate X amount of awesomeness. Because we’ll just spot likeability to male characters, but women have to prove that they’re worth our time and sympathy, apparently.
It’s not that we should fling all criteria for judgment out the window - there are bad women just as there are bad men. But we should try to like more female characters - and more female people - not less. A mature philosophy (and I mean this not only about feminism) is one that enlarges our circle of compassion toward the world.
It’s about the fact that American culture tries to teach us to see women as default unlikeable, and the fact that one of the most radical things we can do is to refuse to buy into that. To assume that the women we meet, and the female characters we read and watch, are likeable until proven otherwise.
This is, for me, the heart of being a feminist. We can speak all the right words, about rape culture and slut-shaming, and fathom all the mysteries of the patriarchy, and stand up against the iniquities of the earth, but without love, it is nothing. Without love, feminism can be used as just one more set of criteria to impose on women: yet another definition of the right way to be a woman, and yet another way to shame women who don’t fit that definition.
I always wince when I hear someone brag that they have “high standards” for female characters - that before they’ll deign to like a female character, she has to demonstrate X amount of awesomeness. Because we’ll just spot likeability to male characters, but women have to prove that they’re worth our time and sympathy, apparently.
It’s not that we should fling all criteria for judgment out the window - there are bad women just as there are bad men. But we should try to like more female characters - and more female people - not less. A mature philosophy (and I mean this not only about feminism) is one that enlarges our circle of compassion toward the world.
