Book review: The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets

And now for a review something I actually liked: Eva Rice’s The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets, which is like I Capture the Castle if I Capture the Castle took place in the mid-1950s and was not only an exquisite coming-of-age novel but also a perfect crystallization of an era.

The story kicks off when our heroine, Penelope, impulsively hops in a taxi with Charlotte - never mind she’s never met Charlotte before in her life. Their friendship becomes the heart of this lively, meandering story; Charlotte’s brash, impulsive, larger-than-life personality encourages Penelope to leave behind her retiring childhood and experience the world.

And what a world it is! It’s 1955, and in England rationing is only just ending; after decades of suffering life is becoming fun again, youth culture is blooming, there are grand parties and Johnnie Ray (a precursor to Elvis) and Americans, with their exotic American accents: the birth of a bright new modernity.

The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets captures this excitement beautifully. It’s not often that a book makes me want to visit the 1950s - but damn, this one does.

But, though main mood of the book is giddy excitement, all isn’t sunshine. This rush of newness swamps the old, and while the change may be necessary, letting go is painful. Penelope lives in a grand old house, Magna, which belonged to her father who died in the war. The house is an albatross around the family’s neck, a huge cash drain; yet it is also home.

The only problem with the book is that the ending is somewhat rushed, as is the romance. Rice makes the somewhat unusual choice to end with Penelope’s realization that she has feelings for the young man in question, rather than the two of them actually getting together; while on the one hand this keeps the focus of the book on Penelope and Charlotte’s friendship, which is as it should be, it’s not quite satisfying.

SECRET MAGICAL VAMPIRE ELVES

I have a pet peeve in fantasy books. Actually, I have lots of pet peeves in fantasy books, which is one reason I don’t read very many of them any more. But one of my biggest pet peeves is worlds that are exactly like ours - except with SECRET EVIL WIZARDS.

Or secret vampires. (Twilight, I am looking at you. Also Buffy. And everything Amelia Atwater-Rhodes has ever written, and in fact probably nine-tenths of vampire fiction.) Or ANY creature that has super-awesome super-powers yet has inexplicably opted to hide itself because, uh. Because?

And no, “regular people find magic frightening and therefore kill wizards/vampires/whatevers” is not an acceptable explanation, at least assuming your magical beings have powers that are actually good for anything, which they usually do, because weak powers are totally boring. You know why mobs managed to kill witches historically? Because the witches didn’t actually have magic.

A pitchfork-wielding mob is not going to take on a being with magical destructive capability roughly equivalent to an rocket-launcher. If they are stupid enough to try, they will lose, and their wretched descendants will pay tribute to Mr. Magical Vampire Elf forever and ever.

My exasperation ratchets up ten-fold if the author is trying to sell his/her world as DARK, man, DARK. You want to convince me that your wizards/vampires/secret magical beings from the black lagoon are dark? BRING THEM OUT OF HIDING.

They have astonishing powers and little to no conscience! Obviously they’re not going to hide! They’re going to blow up anyone who irritates them and use their powers to take over the world!

And “there aren’t enough Magical Vampire Elves to rule the world!” is also not a good excuse to send the vampire elves into hiding. You just need enough Magical Vampire Elves to stock the upper echelons of the aristocracy (which is tiny) - the lower aristocrats, the day-to-day civil servants, can all be human collaborators.

Sure, maybe if no one believes in magic, magical beings will be able to get away with things on the sly. But you know how they could get away with even more things? How they could get away with all the things? BY BECOMING DICTATOR FOR LIFE/UNLIFE.

Secret magical beings are always in danger of being found out. It’s like being a mob boss; you may have wealth and power, but it’s contingent on not getting thrown in jail. Magical beings who actually make use of their powers and take over countries? They’re like Stalin, man. They can do whatever they want and no one is ever going to stop them.

And that’s so much darker than magical vampire elves skulking in dark alleys.