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osprey_archerI have one last part to Tea and Sympathy to go. Specifically, I have the middle section of that last part to go, because I’ve already written the beginning and the end. I need the filling for the chocolate sandwich cookie.
I am not receiving cooperation in this endeavor. Owen and Ianto are, in their own separate ways, very, very against me.
(The setting: an interrogation room. A single bare bulb swings over a scarred table. Owen Harper, dressed in black jeans and a black t-shirt, sits with his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed. He looks like a hoodlum. The Authoress is sort of floating in the ether.)
Authoress: Owen, I really need you to help me out here.
Owen: Sucks to be you.
Authoress: No, really. Can you just explain your relationship with Ianto? Why do you even still have a relationship now that you’re healthy?
Owen: (bristling) Have you looked at his arse?
Authoress: I meant psychological reasons, you dumbass.
Owen: I have no psychology. I’m driven by my base impulses. Is this discussion over yet?
Authoress: I need something to work with or else this damn story is going to devolve into porn!
Owen: I’m fine with that.
Authoress: I’M NOT.
Owen: Well then, SCREW YOU.
(They glower at each other for a few minutes. The Authoress attempts to regain control.)
Authoress: I just want a little help here, Owen.
Owen: I don’t help people.
Authoress: But you’re a doctor!
Owen: All my helping gets used up in my professional capacity. AND DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT STABBING YOURSELF WITH THAT PENCIL. THAT WILL GET YOU NOWHERE. (storms out).
(New scene, same setting, except now Ianto sits in the chair. His suit is immaculate. His hands are folded neatly, and his smile is friendly.)
Authoress: Okay, Ianto, let’s talk about your relationship with Owen.
Ianto: (smiles politely until the Authoress gets antsy)
Authoress: So. Ianto. Can you tell me what you’re getting out of this relationship? (Another long pause. Ianto’s smile is beginning to look like it was painted on.) Ianto, please, help me out here.
Ianto: (fidgets miserably) Would you like some coffee?
Authoress: I don’t like coffee.
Ianto: Tea?
Authoress: I don’t like tea either.
Ianto: (looks like a small animal that is about to be run over by a car) Oh.
Authoress: I just want some insight into your psyche, Ianto. Why are you still sleeping with Owen?
Ianto: (beginning to slump) It makes him happy?
Authoress: Aside from the times it makes him hit you over the head with things?
Ianto: (slumping further) He’s a kinky bastard?
Authoress: Besides, you’re totally encouraging him. What are you getting out of this?
Ianto: (slumped almost under the table) Are you sure you don’t like coffee? Maybe you’ve just never had a good cup of coffee before.
Authoress: Ianto!
Ianto: Sorry. I’ve got to go. Myfanwy’s shrieking for me. Sorry. Bye!
Basically, both of them refuse to narrate the interior section. They’re also being vague and cagey about what exactly goes into the interior section, It’s some kind of summary of about a month of relationship between Owen getting better and Jack returning, but precisely what events it summarizes, and how?
Evidently, what happens in Cardiff, stays in Cardiff.
So, if anyone has any helpful thoughts, please share. I would really like to finish at least the first draft of this before I leave for Florida next Friday.
I am not receiving cooperation in this endeavor. Owen and Ianto are, in their own separate ways, very, very against me.
(The setting: an interrogation room. A single bare bulb swings over a scarred table. Owen Harper, dressed in black jeans and a black t-shirt, sits with his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed. He looks like a hoodlum. The Authoress is sort of floating in the ether.)
Authoress: Owen, I really need you to help me out here.
Owen: Sucks to be you.
Authoress: No, really. Can you just explain your relationship with Ianto? Why do you even still have a relationship now that you’re healthy?
Owen: (bristling) Have you looked at his arse?
Authoress: I meant psychological reasons, you dumbass.
Owen: I have no psychology. I’m driven by my base impulses. Is this discussion over yet?
Authoress: I need something to work with or else this damn story is going to devolve into porn!
Owen: I’m fine with that.
Authoress: I’M NOT.
Owen: Well then, SCREW YOU.
(They glower at each other for a few minutes. The Authoress attempts to regain control.)
Authoress: I just want a little help here, Owen.
Owen: I don’t help people.
Authoress: But you’re a doctor!
Owen: All my helping gets used up in my professional capacity. AND DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT STABBING YOURSELF WITH THAT PENCIL. THAT WILL GET YOU NOWHERE. (storms out).
(New scene, same setting, except now Ianto sits in the chair. His suit is immaculate. His hands are folded neatly, and his smile is friendly.)
Authoress: Okay, Ianto, let’s talk about your relationship with Owen.
Ianto: (smiles politely until the Authoress gets antsy)
Authoress: So. Ianto. Can you tell me what you’re getting out of this relationship? (Another long pause. Ianto’s smile is beginning to look like it was painted on.) Ianto, please, help me out here.
Ianto: (fidgets miserably) Would you like some coffee?
Authoress: I don’t like coffee.
Ianto: Tea?
Authoress: I don’t like tea either.
Ianto: (looks like a small animal that is about to be run over by a car) Oh.
Authoress: I just want some insight into your psyche, Ianto. Why are you still sleeping with Owen?
Ianto: (beginning to slump) It makes him happy?
Authoress: Aside from the times it makes him hit you over the head with things?
Ianto: (slumping further) He’s a kinky bastard?
Authoress: Besides, you’re totally encouraging him. What are you getting out of this?
Ianto: (slumped almost under the table) Are you sure you don’t like coffee? Maybe you’ve just never had a good cup of coffee before.
Authoress: Ianto!
Ianto: Sorry. I’ve got to go. Myfanwy’s shrieking for me. Sorry. Bye!
Basically, both of them refuse to narrate the interior section. They’re also being vague and cagey about what exactly goes into the interior section, It’s some kind of summary of about a month of relationship between Owen getting better and Jack returning, but precisely what events it summarizes, and how?
Evidently, what happens in Cardiff, stays in Cardiff.
So, if anyone has any helpful thoughts, please share. I would really like to finish at least the first draft of this before I leave for Florida next Friday.
