Transportation is Fun!
Jul. 6th, 2008 01:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
osprey_archerYou know how girls are supposed to go through a horse-mad phase? I didn’t do that.
Or rather, I did (Saddle Club books FOR THE WIN), but it summarily ended when I actually rode a horse. The creature was five times bigger than me and I couldn’t control it, so it would occasionally decide that it wanted to head back to the dude ranch and then one of the rancher people would have to grab it by the bridle and drag it back in line, while I clung on, chin high but wobbling, dignity irretrievably lost.
I was very big on dignity when I was eight.
So I gave up on horses, despite all the wonderful horse words there are. Appaloosa! Palomino! Lippizaner! The gait seen only in Icelandic ponies that’s like a trot, except smooth, and is called a tolt! There are enough words in the world that giving up a small galaxy of horse words wouldn’t impoverish me too much.
This is a minor problem because I want to write fantasy novels, and there are people who appear to read fantasy novels solely in order to indulge their adoration of horses. (I’m exaggerating. I hope.) Therefore, errors in horsemanship, unlike errors in currency or governmental structure, will be noted and mocked.
So I need an alternative mode of transportation. Zebras can’t be domesticated. Donkeys lack dignity. Llamas are too small. Goats and gazelles are too small. Reindeer or mountain goats or ibexes would be cool because they could have impromptu horn fights in the middle of battle, but again: too small!
Perhaps the fantasy people should be gnome-sized.
But if they were going to be that small they might as well be able to ride something with wings. Except any bird big enough to carry anyone is going to be hell to keep in food.
So back to land animals. Yaks? “Justina raised her sword and ululated “Onward, Bessie!” as she and her yak charged down the incline into the swarm of enemy soldiers….” Besides, I think they’re too small, too.
So here’s the question. How off-putting would it be if a bicycle suddenly rolled onstage in a fantasy? (The technology level is such that it would support it—paddlewheel steamboats, trains, etc.)
I suppose if the bicycle is a problem the trains would be right out too, though.
Maybe I should just give everyone wings…?
Or rather, I did (Saddle Club books FOR THE WIN), but it summarily ended when I actually rode a horse. The creature was five times bigger than me and I couldn’t control it, so it would occasionally decide that it wanted to head back to the dude ranch and then one of the rancher people would have to grab it by the bridle and drag it back in line, while I clung on, chin high but wobbling, dignity irretrievably lost.
I was very big on dignity when I was eight.
So I gave up on horses, despite all the wonderful horse words there are. Appaloosa! Palomino! Lippizaner! The gait seen only in Icelandic ponies that’s like a trot, except smooth, and is called a tolt! There are enough words in the world that giving up a small galaxy of horse words wouldn’t impoverish me too much.
This is a minor problem because I want to write fantasy novels, and there are people who appear to read fantasy novels solely in order to indulge their adoration of horses. (I’m exaggerating. I hope.) Therefore, errors in horsemanship, unlike errors in currency or governmental structure, will be noted and mocked.
So I need an alternative mode of transportation. Zebras can’t be domesticated. Donkeys lack dignity. Llamas are too small. Goats and gazelles are too small. Reindeer or mountain goats or ibexes would be cool because they could have impromptu horn fights in the middle of battle, but again: too small!
Perhaps the fantasy people should be gnome-sized.
But if they were going to be that small they might as well be able to ride something with wings. Except any bird big enough to carry anyone is going to be hell to keep in food.
So back to land animals. Yaks? “Justina raised her sword and ululated “Onward, Bessie!” as she and her yak charged down the incline into the swarm of enemy soldiers….” Besides, I think they’re too small, too.
So here’s the question. How off-putting would it be if a bicycle suddenly rolled onstage in a fantasy? (The technology level is such that it would support it—paddlewheel steamboats, trains, etc.)
I suppose if the bicycle is a problem the trains would be right out too, though.
Maybe I should just give everyone wings…?
