Christmas Book, O Christmas Book
Dec. 1st, 2023 10:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
osprey_archerEvery year at about this time, I begin to sigh that I ought to write a Christmas book. The whole world has become a Christmas mood board! Christmas songs on the radio, Christmas lights on the houses, Christmas Christmas Christmas in every store! "I could write the rough draft now, and then it could rest nine months before I polish it up to release next year," I sigh. "Think of the money! Think of the years that it could go on sale every single Christmas!"
Alas, my muse scorns this mercenary motive, which has hitherto hindered my Christmas book dreams. I can come up with ideas, but can I come up with an idea that I wish to commit to for 30,000 words? Difficult.
1. An Advent calendar. Twenty-five chapters, one for each day of December leading up to Christmas. Either each day involves opening a literal advent calendar, and the object behind the door inspires a story ("Oh, this charm bracelet belonged to Great-Aunt Sophie, who was jilted at the altar..." This sounds very L. M. Montgomery, doesn't it), or each chapter furthers a story that becomes more and more Christmassy, like Jostein Gaarder's The Christmas Mystery.
How do you make this a romance novel, you ask. How do you make this into any novel at all? Well, that is a problem I have not been able to solve.
2. The enemies-to-lovers story of two competing mall Santas. One is a Santa with a real beard, who looks down on the other Santa who has a fake beard (this is a real controversy in the world of mall Santas), showing that he is not dedicated to the true spirit of Santa...
3.littlehymes innocently suggested a Tin Soldier retelling. (Tin Soldier/Tin Soldier obvs.) "Ah yes," I said, "romance readers love it when the main characters melt into a giant blob of tin at the end. Well, they ARE together... ever after... And is there TRULY any ever after except in death!"
4. Generally speaking I feel that retellings that change a sad ending to a happy ending are missing the point. I would also love to write a Snegurochka retelling, but (1) is it really a Snegurochka retelling if she doesn't melt into a puddle of spring water after her first kiss; (2) does Snegurochka actually have much English-language name recognition? the point is to sell like hotcakes, and a retelling based on a story most people don't know won't sell like hotcakes; and (3) it would be f/f, which ALSO wouldn't sell like hotcakes.
5. I have also considered a story in which the human MC is in love with spirit of Winter, but this is also undeniably a bittersweet story, as Winter is only around for a few months of the year and the human would otherwise be alone... The point of this exercise is CHRISTMAS CHEER, dammit.
6. What if one of the MCs is, like, a holly dryad. Or a spruce dryad. Or something of that ilk.
7. I have found that in writing novellas, it's often best to start with the obstacle to the relationship, as you need a single not-too-large obstacle or else the book will cruelly balloon to full novel length. A couple of the coffee shop romances had "one of these people is only in this place for a limited time" as the obstacle, which might be a good place to start here too? "Noel will ONLY be in Snowyvale for the month of December, working at Snowyvale's Christmas Emporium. But now that he's met Claus, he's afraid that he'll be leaving his heart behind when he goes..."
8. When an Arctic explorer gets lost in a snowstorm, he is rescued be a Christmas elf. Forced to shelter together in a snow cave, their huddling for warmth soon turns sizzling hot--
9. I've written a lot of books with college-age MCs and I think it would be nice to write older characters this time. Also leaning toward something with a bit of a magical twist, although that twist doesn't HAVE to be "one of the MCs is an elf/dryad/gingerbread cookie."
Alas, my muse scorns this mercenary motive, which has hitherto hindered my Christmas book dreams. I can come up with ideas, but can I come up with an idea that I wish to commit to for 30,000 words? Difficult.
1. An Advent calendar. Twenty-five chapters, one for each day of December leading up to Christmas. Either each day involves opening a literal advent calendar, and the object behind the door inspires a story ("Oh, this charm bracelet belonged to Great-Aunt Sophie, who was jilted at the altar..." This sounds very L. M. Montgomery, doesn't it), or each chapter furthers a story that becomes more and more Christmassy, like Jostein Gaarder's The Christmas Mystery.
How do you make this a romance novel, you ask. How do you make this into any novel at all? Well, that is a problem I have not been able to solve.
2. The enemies-to-lovers story of two competing mall Santas. One is a Santa with a real beard, who looks down on the other Santa who has a fake beard (this is a real controversy in the world of mall Santas), showing that he is not dedicated to the true spirit of Santa...
3.
littlehymes innocently suggested a Tin Soldier retelling. (Tin Soldier/Tin Soldier obvs.) "Ah yes," I said, "romance readers love it when the main characters melt into a giant blob of tin at the end. Well, they ARE together... ever after... And is there TRULY any ever after except in death!" 4. Generally speaking I feel that retellings that change a sad ending to a happy ending are missing the point. I would also love to write a Snegurochka retelling, but (1) is it really a Snegurochka retelling if she doesn't melt into a puddle of spring water after her first kiss; (2) does Snegurochka actually have much English-language name recognition? the point is to sell like hotcakes, and a retelling based on a story most people don't know won't sell like hotcakes; and (3) it would be f/f, which ALSO wouldn't sell like hotcakes.
5. I have also considered a story in which the human MC is in love with spirit of Winter, but this is also undeniably a bittersweet story, as Winter is only around for a few months of the year and the human would otherwise be alone... The point of this exercise is CHRISTMAS CHEER, dammit.
6. What if one of the MCs is, like, a holly dryad. Or a spruce dryad. Or something of that ilk.
7. I have found that in writing novellas, it's often best to start with the obstacle to the relationship, as you need a single not-too-large obstacle or else the book will cruelly balloon to full novel length. A couple of the coffee shop romances had "one of these people is only in this place for a limited time" as the obstacle, which might be a good place to start here too? "Noel will ONLY be in Snowyvale for the month of December, working at Snowyvale's Christmas Emporium. But now that he's met Claus, he's afraid that he'll be leaving his heart behind when he goes..."
8. When an Arctic explorer gets lost in a snowstorm, he is rescued be a Christmas elf. Forced to shelter together in a snow cave, their huddling for warmth soon turns sizzling hot--
9. I've written a lot of books with college-age MCs and I think it would be nice to write older characters this time. Also leaning toward something with a bit of a magical twist, although that twist doesn't HAVE to be "one of the MCs is an elf/dryad/gingerbread cookie."
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Date: 2023-12-01 04:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-01 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-01 08:12 pm (UTC)(but yeah. probably only as a parody...)
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Date: 2023-12-01 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-01 08:30 pm (UTC)... but, though... at the very end? Pinocchio? Becoming a Real Boy?
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Date: 2023-12-01 08:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-01 05:29 pm (UTC)Just gotta say, since you mentioned your Coffee Shop romances, that I really love Holiday Blend from back in the day, and perhaps it's due for a reread! Very NA, considering the MCs' ages and their being in college, but still very enjoyable, and maybe even my favorite from that bunch. <3
That said, making a MC a gingerbread cookie would be a BOLD CHOICE, and one I would fully support.
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Date: 2023-12-01 07:34 pm (UTC)Oh, I'm so glad to hear you liked Holiday Blend! And I have definitely contemplated the prospect of a similar second-chance story line for this hypothetical m/m Christmas tale. Redemption is very Christmas-y, right? Throw in some chestnuts roasting on an open fire and sleigh bells jing-jing-jingling and we're halfway there already!
I don't think I have the chutzpah to truly make a gingerbread cookie the lead in a romance novel (just imagine, though: "He smelled of cloves, nutmeg, and a ginger that was uniquely himself"), but the idea is free to a good home!
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Date: 2023-12-01 08:13 pm (UTC)(Giggling myself to tears over here)
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Date: 2023-12-01 08:37 pm (UTC)Make him a cookie shifter! I have literally seen a body pillow shifter and a DOOR SHIFTER (I believe the book was called "Unhinged"), so a guy who turns into a gingerbread cookie wouldn't be the weirdest thing out there.
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Date: 2023-12-01 11:08 pm (UTC)You are so correct.
And when New Employee finds a gingerbread man on the desk in back, well, he assumes that maybe the boss-man has finally come around on the gingerbread question, and this is a prototype to taste-test...
Perhaps New Employee has always suppressed his secret gingerbread man fetish, because it doesn't really do to let it get around that you're, ahem, coveting the baked goods for more carnal purposes. Now someone seems to be leaving deliciously sexy gingerbread men for him to enjoy. When will he realize that his hot yet demanding boss is actually the gingerbread man he's been pleasuring every night in the stockroom ...?
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Date: 2023-12-01 08:42 pm (UTC)SERIOUSLY. I do indeed recommend it, but it's bizarrely devastating, as you might imagine. And yeah, really no way to change that without changing the story entirely, so... :/
I don't think I have the chutzpah to truly make a gingerbread cookie the lead in a romance novel (just imagine, though: "He smelled of cloves, nutmeg, and a ginger that was uniquely himself"), but the idea is free to a good home!
Don't write yourself off, yet! I recently became aware of an erotic romance where the hero is a literal door. (Apparently you later find out that his dad was the Greek god Zeus, which is the point where I became completely, absolutely SOLD on the concept. Because seriously, if anyone out there is going to have sex with a tree, it's gonna be Zeus.) All I'm saying is, if you did it with your tongue placed firmly in your cheek, I could actually see it working. ;) [EDIT: Ah, I see Sholio beat me to it, but yes, Unhinged!]
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Date: 2023-12-01 08:58 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2023-12-02 03:18 pm (UTC)Part of me feels I shouldn't be surprised that a gingerbread man shifter story already exists, and yet a part of me somehow still is???
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Date: 2023-12-03 04:54 am (UTC)Oh my GOD, Hans, you warped little special snowflake, you.
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Date: 2023-12-01 08:35 pm (UTC)This is an amazing idea and you should write it. The world needs to know about mall Santa wank.
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Date: 2023-12-01 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2023-12-01 11:05 pm (UTC)I have to say I have never heard of Snegurochka. But I like the idea of one mc being a dryad. I'm sure that's an obstacle in itself, particularly if his tree is slated to be cut down to go in the town square as the village Christmas tree.
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Date: 2023-12-02 06:36 am (UTC)Alternately, something where one of the lovers is a spirit of Winter of some sort, and the other is either human or a spirit of something else, and they can only meet for a brief time each year... until! the other one manages to become some kind of winter spirit too! now they can be together forever!
Though I do think that your point 7 is the likeliest to lead you to a targetedly marketable one to sell like hotcakes, assuming you can figure out a variation that will interest you enough to get through the initial writing of it, which I realize is the basic challenge here.
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Date: 2023-12-02 11:02 pm (UTC)And also yes, the difficulty is finding something interesting enough to write! I think many writers believe in their hearts that if they could just write (some popular tropey story type), riches await, but the actual fact of sitting down and writing popular tropey story type remains the basic problem...
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