Blurbs are the worst

[osprey_archer]

I am moving slowly - tortuously slowly! - towards having The Larks Still Bravely Singing ready for publication. Still planning on a mid-October release; hoping to have it ready for preorder by October 1.

I have at last hammered out a rough draft of a blurb! Please let me know if you have any thoughts about how to make this blurbier.

***

In the aftermath of World War I, two wounded men find peace as their friendship grows into love.

The Great War cost Robert his left leg and his first love. A shattering breakup with his first boyfriend leaves Robert convinced that he is a destructive force in romantic relationships, so when he finds himself falling in love with David, an old friend from boarding school, he’s sure that the best way to deal with it is to keep it to himself. But as their meandering conversations drift from books and poetry to more personal topics, Robert’s love deepens - and so do his fears of hurting David like he hurt his first love.

Ever since he was wounded, David has been batted from hospital to hospital like a shuttlecock, and his renewed friendship with Robert gives him a much-needed sense of peace and stability. As the trust between them deepens, David opens up to Robert about the nervous fears that plague him, and when Robert responds with sympathy and support, David finds himself falling in love. But he’s afraid that he’s already a burden on Robert, and asking for more will only make that burden greater.

Can these two wounded boys create a home for each other?

Comments

[ellenmillion]

You have some repetition in the first paragraph: first love/first boyfriend/first love. And actually, the first sentence of that paragraph is more grabby than the tagline.

Here are my thoughts on the first bit:

The Great War cost Robert his left leg and his first love.

A shattering breakup leaves Robert convinced that he is a destructive force in romantic relationships. When he finds himself falling in love with David, an old friend from boarding school, he's sure that the best path forward is silence. As their meandering conversations drift from books and poetry to more personal topics, Robert’s love deepens - and so do his fears of hurting David.

[osprey_archer]

Oh, that's good! (Why is it always so much easier to fix other people's blurbs than one's own?) Do you think the rest is more or less okay, or does David's paragraph need some work too?

[ellenmillion]

I had to run away and make breakfast, so I posted what I had time to look at!

Here's a post-breakfast revision:

The Great War cost Robert his left leg and his first love.

A shattering breakup leaves Robert convinced that he is a destructive force in romantic relationships. When he finds himself falling in love with David, an old friend from boarding school, he's sure that the best path forward is to deny what he's feeling. As their conversations drift from books and poetry to more intimate topics, Robert’s love deepens - and so do his fears of hurting David.

Adrift and anxious, David has been batted from hospital to hospital like a shuttlecock, and his renewed friendship with Robert gives him a much-needed sense of peace and stability. David opens up to Robert about the nervous fears that plague him, and when Robert responds with sympathy and support, David finds himself feeling much more than friendship. But he’s afraid that he’s already a burden on Robert, and asking for more will strain their developing bond.

Can two wounded soldiers heal each other?

The Larks Still Bravely Singing is a journey of comfort and healing set in (setting and date?).

Use whatever's useful!

[osprey_archer]

Oh, that's so good! I will probably tweak it here and there, but it looks very solid.

What is the secret of your blurb skills? Is it just a result of having written a lot of them?

[ellenmillion]

First, it is waaaaay easier to blurb for other people, because I don't have the whole book in my head, so it's easier to distill. Also, yes, writing lots of blurbs - it does get easier. For one of my earlier books, I sat down and did an exercise where I wrote 30 blurbs for it. Just the practice of thinking about being catchy, not repeating information, narrowing my focus...it helped a lot in future blurbs!

[osprey_archer]

I really ought to put myself through Blurb Writing clinic. *sighs quietly* Suffering builds character! And also blurb-writing skills!

[asakiyume]

I think it really, really is easier to blurb books for other people! I think when it's your own book, you just completely lack distance, etc.

That said, Ellen did a great job buffing and polishing this! (But you had some great language--like the shuttlecock image--and you gave her the pieces to buff and polish.)

[osprey_archer]

My dream is that someday I will be able to write rough drafts of blurbs without my brain going BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH the first five or six tries.