This book will be the death of me

[osprey_archer]

I'm so exasperated with this Sleeping Beauty retelling. I've been bashing my head against it for over a year now and it's just not coming together and I keep having what I think are brilliant realizations about why... only for those supposed fixes not to bring the story together, either.

(For those of you who are new here, in this story the "Beauty" character is Russell, a Union Civil War soldier who is cursed to fall into a hundred-year sleep if he is ever pricked with a bayonet. He sleeps till 1965, whereupon the curse ends and he awakens and is befriended by Andrew.)

Basically my latest problem is that I've concluded that Andrew really needs to explain to Russell about homosexuality pretty sharpish, because if Andrew does not explain that it's now considered deviant and sexual and bad for men to hug, kiss, walk arm in arm, share beds, or tell their friends how much they love them while gazing sweetly into their eyes, Russell will continue to assume that these are all beautiful expressions of friendship to which no one could possibly object, and probably get punched in the nose when he tries to kiss some guy's cheek for friendship reasons.

A lot of the book hitherto has leaned on the fact that Russell doesn't get this, and in a sense he will continue to fundamentally not get it after Andrew explains - intellectually he understands, but emotionally it feels preposterous. I think ultimately the book will be better for Russell having that intellectual understanding sooner, because he can say, look, if you think it's wrong for men ever to touch each other affectionately, of course I wouldn't ask you to go against your conscience... but I think that's poppycock, and if you agree then I don't see any reason why we ought to bow to such dictates in private.

There follow many kisses and snuggles and Andrew is on the one hand happier than he's ever been in his life, but on the other, every time Russell kisses his eyelids and caresses his face and whispers "You are my best and dearest friend and I love you with a manly fervent heartfelt love," Andrew dies a little inside. Friendship! Sweet... platonic... friendship. Is he taking advantage of Russell by enjoying his fervent platonic kisses while having lewd, carnal urges?

Eventually Andrew will reread for the umpteenth time that line in Whitman about "my dear friend my lover" and it's going to break his tiny brain that perhaps! fervent face-kissing friendship is not in fact... wholly platonic?? Perhaps even slightly non-platonic.

But it's going to require lots of revisions, AGAIN, and I am tired of continually ripping this book down to the studs when I've already been working on the damn thing for a year (not continuously, but still).

Comments

[philomytha]

I have to say, I absolutely adore this whole concept <3

[osprey_archer]

If the concept weren't absolutely aces I would have given up on this book long ago. But the concept is so good! If only it would just magically appear fully written.

[missroserose]

Ugh, I feel you so hard on this. I have this fic that started as a quick smut-prompt, then turned into a story—but I imposed a hard rule that each chapter could only be 1500 words or less and had to feel equally kinetic and driven, as an exercise in minimalism. And I'm determined to finish it (I'm only two chapters away)!...except it's been more than a month now and I've just rewritten the first half of this chapter again and I'm just like...please can this be done? Pretty please?

I just keep reminding myself, sometimes writing is all elevated inspiration, and sometimes it's a slog in the mud. (At least there's not any bullets flying around us? Usually?)

[osprey_archer]

The nice thing about writing is that generally speaking no one can tell afterward which parts were inspiration and which parts were a slog. It all flows seamlessly together! It can just take a while to get there.

[missroserose]

This is true! Here's to both our paths smoothing out soon.

[oracne]

That sounds exhausting but the intended final product sounds enticing.

[osprey_archer]

I just want it to all come together and work nicely! *cries quietly* Oh well. Someday...

[luzula]

That concept sounds great and I'm looking forward to reading it, so I hope you don't give up. : )

[osprey_archer]

The concept is so perfect that it won't leave me alone! I think really I just need to switch my focus from World War I for a while and read more Civil War era stuff and really immerse myself in the time period... and also possibly get a book of What Happened On This Day in 1965/1966, because that would be really useful too.

[calandrahunter]

Yay for realizations! Boo for them not falling onto the page automatically!

[osprey_archer]

WHY will this story not simply write itself? Why must being a writer actually involve putting WORDS on a PAGE instead of beautifully brainstorming?

[calandrahunter]

Is it not enough that we have IDEAS???

[lokifan]

ugggh I'm sorry that sounds so frustrating!! But also such a great story.

[osprey_archer]

I am putting it aside for a while and working on something else and hopefully I will come back to it REFRESHED.