The Knight before Christmas

[osprey_archer]

Went to Bloomington this weekend to visit friends, spent most of the weekend eating: giant pecan sticky bun for lunch! Sushi for dinner! Chocolate silk tart with a shortbread crust as we watched The Knight before Christmas, which is delicious fluffy fun - the movie, I mean; the tart was deeply chocolatey and rich - as long as you absolutely forbid yourself to ask any questions about, like, "Shouldn't the time-traveling 14th century knight be speaking Middle English and basically unintelligible to modern-day Ohioan Vanessa Hudgens?" or "Did anyone tell the movie-makers that 'going hawking' does not mean 'chasing hawks'?"

No. I'm pretty sure this movie is came about sometime after the third glass of wine at a Christmas party, and someone was like "Wouldn't it be great if there was a movie called The Knight before Christmas but, like, Knight with a K? Am I right? Am I right?" and then everyone hopped in to brainstorm. So much Christmas bling! So many moments of Sir Cole meeting a new piece of modern technology! (I particularly enjoyed it when he starts trying to use pieces of 21st century slang that he learned from binge-watching Netflix and it sounds SO endearingly awkward coming out of his mouth.) THE WHOLE SCENE WHERE SIR COLE AND VANESSA HUDGENS ARE BAKING AND SIR COLE HAS TO ENVELOP HER IN HIS ARMS TO SHOW HER HOW TO KNEAD.

If you're looking for thematic depth or historical research, this movie will do nothing for you, but if you just want to watch an idealized fairy tale knight and a modern-day high school teacher fall in love in an ever-snowing town where every single inch of every house and retail establishment has been covered in Christmas decorations, that's what the movie promises and it totally delivers.

Comments

[amaebi]

You are clearly a malformed USian. (Or not a USian. :D ) True USians know that everyone speaks contemporary-to-us American colloquial English unless they're Being Fancy.

[osprey_archer]

He is Being Fancy, a little bit! He says things like "prithee" and "wench." He just... you know, he just doesn't speak like Chaucer.

[amaebi]

:) Just fancy enough to be a gent, I guess? :D

[oracne]

Chasing. Hawks. LOL. Sounds like fun, though, because I effing love Xmas romance novels.

[osprey_archer]

The movie starts with someone releasing hawks from the castle walls and all the knights ride off in chase. We were all like whaaaaat.

But if you love Christmas romance, this will probably be right up your alley!

[missroserose]

I saw a post on Tumblr with people (good-naturedly) taking the piss out of this movie and it rapidly became our post-holiday-decorating choice. And...it was cute! Though I was similarly ??? about the hawking—I was going to say that the movie's understanding of knighthood seemed to come entirely from Renaissance Faires, but our local Faire actually has a hawking demonstration! (Funny story, Brian and I once went to see said demonstration on a day when the hawk in question was clearly just Done, so that when the person released it, it decided to fly off across the fairgrounds, which led to the rather entertaining image of a person in period hawking gear running through the crowds holding an iPad with the hawk's GPS signal in front of him.) Brian was also sending screenshots to a friend of ours whose actual specialty is 14th-century armor, which led to some entertaining commentary (though apparently the gauntlets are surprisingly period-accurate...)

And yeah, the kneading-dough scene was excellent—everyone was whooping and hollering at the screen, haha.

[osprey_archer]

I think this is def. a movie that is best watched with friends, possibly with copious amounts of eggnog and/or hot chocolate spiked with peppermint liqueur. Somehow the inaccuracies that might be annoying if you watched it alone become a delightful bonding experience ("Hawking doesn't work like that!") when you watch it with a group.

[silverusagi]

"Shouldn't the time-traveling 14th century knight be speaking Middle English and basically unintelligible to modern-day Ohioan Vanessa Hudgens?"

I did have this question, lol.

[osprey_archer]

Definitely a movie to be watched with the analytical side of your brain turned firmly off!