Myths!

[osprey_archer]

A link of awesomeness for you! Myths RETOLD, which is a sight with dozens, scores, hundreds of myths retold in this hilarious free verse poetry sort of style: Greek myths, Norse myths, Japanese myths, Arthurian legend, the Silmarrilion, all the things.

Sometimes the language is a little crude for my taste, but it is balanced by boatloads of hilarity. Like this, from the story of “Sir Gawain and the Loathly Lady” - which, incidentally, is totally awesome and one of my favorite Arthurian stories, there should be more stories where the answer to “What do women want?” is “To make their own decisions” (although really, that question is so irritating, women want DIFFERENT THINGS) - describing the Loathly Lady in question:

“like she’s got an eyeball up on her forehead kind of doing its own thing
and her mouth is like a twizzler of hatred
and her nose is pretty much like what would happen
if pinnochio crossbred with an accordion
I’M CALLING RULE 34 ON THAT SHIT”

Pinocchio/accordion. I leave you with that terrifying image.

Comments

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

That is a fun site! I read "The Valar Fight Fire with Fire," where the Valar create the sun and moon and then have to order them not to appear in the sky at the same time (which, as I was reading the post, I gradually recalled from the book), and I got to this part and laughed out loud:

but Tilion cannot fucking figure it out
he’s like wait
do you mean you want me to take turns with Arien
or like
fly all over the place at random and show up fuckin whenever
and then like sometimes fly in front of the sun and black shit out
and sometimes just not show up at all
and everyone is like uhh
the first option, please
and Tilion is like OPTION TWO IT IS

OPTION TWO IT IS :D

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

It's such a funny site! Almost all his retellings make me laugh at least once and often more. He has an excellent grasp of when EMPHASIS BY CAPITALIZATION will have the best comic effect.