Amae

[osprey_archer]

I've been reading Barbara Rosenwein's Emotional Communities in the Early Middle Ages, which is fun, even though I can't keep track of the various Merovingians.

The book is built around the idea of social constructionism: the idea that emotions are shaped by the social norms of society. Rosenwein comments that "In Japan there is a feeling, amae, of contented dependence on another; but in English there is nothing comparable and presumably no feeling that corresponds to it." (15)

I disagree. Or rather, I think Rosenwein is correct that most English-speaking adults would be embarrassed to say "I feel contentedly dependent on you!" given the cultural importance of independence. But the feeling of (or at least yearning for) amae exists, subterranean and furtive, and it comes out over and over again in stories.

There's a whole subset of hurt/comfort fic which wallows in amae: Character A is injured or sick, and thus is forced into dependence on Character B - and because that loss of independence is the result of fate, not something they asked for or wanted, it's all right that they rest content in their dependence.

It crops up in professional fiction, too; there's also a whole sequence in The Virginian, the first Western, wherein the Virginian - who has hitherto been a prototype of laconic manliness - gets shot and is utterly dependent on the ministrations of his lady love.

I suspect stories bear the stigmata of all the things we aren't supposed to feel, or can't admit to feeling.

Comments

[goldjadeocean.livejournal.com]

This is a good post and you should feel good.

I think our language suffers from a lack of amae, and from the truly unfortunate construction of the idea, "independent adult".

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Ha, my feelings about the concept of the independent adult, let me show you them!

Or not. It would probably be quite an essay.

[dineru.livejournal.com]

This is fascinating. There's a whole Wikipedia on amae and its subtleties - there seems to be some emphasis on immaturity as a factor in the relationship. On the other hand, I wonder how much the literature about amae is influenced by the unconscious desire to spread "the myth of Japanese uniqueness" - as you point out, it's not a foreign concept in other cultures. It's really interesting to think about, especially in fanfiction where people are often freer with their emotions and desires.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

I think it's still a foreign concept: people outside of Japan still feel amae, but that doesn't mean it fits into our structures of feeling like it does theirs. I think for instance Americans usually react to the word by saying "They have a word for that? Why would they want a word for such an embarrassing emotion?"

It's not an acceptable feeling in America - and not unacceptable in the same way that something like jealousy is, where we know what it is and often think poorly of it, but unacceptable in that most people can't even articulate it well.

[dineru.livejournal.com]

I might call it less familiar rather than foreign. We might not have an explicit word for the feeling, but we can recognize it when it is explained. I would probably class it in the same category of words as schadenfreude, for example, where we don't have a word in English for that specific feeling and if you asked anyone they probably wouldn't be able to describe it succinctly, but we understand the feeling when the word is explained.

[bunn.livejournal.com]

What an interesting idea. I assume since it is referenced in a book from the Middle Ages, that the concepts of deference and homage are considered different in quality, or perhaps to be states that might give rise to the emotion without naming it?

The idea reminded me of the phenomonon of deference voting - I assume though that although presumably if someone votes based on 'this person is a social/educational better and therefore should be in charge' it's not quite the same - inspired by a similar emotion perhaps, but the emotion itself is not named.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

The bit about amae is actually in the introductory chapter, where Rosenwein is explaining how the idea of the social construction of emotion works. She doesn't refer back to it when she's discussing specific emotions in the early Middle Ages, although now that you've mentioned it, it would definitely be an interesting comparison to make in systems of vassalage - or, later on, chivalric love.

You might be able to make an argument that in certain parts of the middle ages, amae was an exalted emotion!

[bunn.livejournal.com]

Hmm yes - and what about the Peasant's Revolt - where the teenage Richard II can take over leadership of the whole peasant army because they believe that because he's the king, he *should* be in charge - anything bad must be down to those awful counsellors, or be some sort of misunderstanding.