Esca & Marcus and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Relationship

[osprey_archer]

I’ve been moving my old Torchwood fics over to AO3, and reading them along the way, and all I can say is: Oh my god, you guys, you are so lucky I’m writing Eagle fic now and not when I was nineteen, because it would have been a festival of dubious (very very dubious) consent ending in the tragic collapse or even more tragic continuation of Esca & Marcus's terrible horrible no good very bad relationship.

I’m pretty sure I would have written terrifying movieverse slavefic wherein Esca in a fit of self-loathing would goad Marcus into having sex with him (possibly by casting aspersions on Marcus’s manliness?), because (a) he figures it’s going to happen anyway, so it’s better if he has some control over it, and (b) it expresses his self-destructive self-loathing: he can’t even get himself killed properly, having sex with a Roman is in the way of self-punishment.

I don't think movie!Marcus would rape Esca of his own accord, but I also don't think he's capable of the mental and emotional gymnastics necessary to get from "He is asking for it, literally, in the sense that he just said "Fuck me, Marcus,"" to "But he's doing it because he believes he deserves to suffer and also he's my slave so really it's just kind of skeevy."

(It would have to be movieverse. I can’t imagine book!Marcus being goaded into any such thing, even if book!Esca would try it, which he wouldn’t. Book!Marcus would be horrified by the suggestion. He would probably try to explain that he is Not That Kind of Master.

But I suspect the movieverse would have appealed to me at nineteen more than the book anyway, because much more full of RAGE.)

And then Marcus and Esca would fall into a mutually codependent relationship that they both know is not love, but nonetheless cannot back away from, because they are both almost literally so lonesome they could die. When Esca tells the Seal People that Marcus is his slave, it's an attempt to break away from that. But he finds he can’t - he needs Marcus. (Needing is not a romantic state.) Helping Marcus escape, then, is a capitulation to his own brokenness.

I think there is a tendency to elide "Esca saves Marcus! They can trust each other!" with "Esca is in love with Marcus!", leading to "And if they are in love that will definitely be enough for them to get over their issues," which, maybe it won't.

And then their relationship would either shatter, or alternatively they would stay together forever, because they need each other and trust each other even if they don't particularly like each other. It would be the most depressing fic ever. Hooray for not being nineteen anymore!

Comments

[carmarthen.livejournal.com]

I....have a wip almost exactly like that. Apparently I am you at 19? I'm not sure I can ever finish it, because it's super-depressing.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Apparently me-at-19 is not so much an age as a state of mind?

Also, if you ever do finish that fic, I would probably read the hell out of it.

[carmarthen.livejournal.com]

I may beg you to beta, if I ever manage to finish it (it's a sequel to Unbroken, the one where Esca worries about Stockholm Syndrome). I suspect I will end it on a very tentatively optimistic note, since I am not sure I can get to a truly happy ending and I don't really want to write about grinding misery. We'll see. So many things to write!

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

I will be happy to beta! I will try to say things more constructive than "MORE ANGST AND WOE, PLEASE."

[carmarthen.livejournal.com]

Ha! Well, I shall attempt to finish it. Eventually. I have too many WIPs. Probably in 2013, I should try not to start anything new until I finish some of them.

[motetus.livejournal.com]

Um... I would probably eat that up with a spoon. It's not that I don't love all the stories that have Marcus and Esca living happily ever after, but sometimes I want a depressing one with a fucked-up relationship for a change, and I think I can count on one hand the number of (good) Eagle fics that can give me that.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Well, maybe someday I will tap into my 19-year-old headspace and a fic will fall out, now that I know there's an audience...

So where are these good depressing fics about Marcus and Esca's fucked up relationship? I seem to be in the mood for it.

[motetus.livejournal.com]

I think Carmarthen has written them all! There's Unbroken (http://archiveofourown.org/works/263899) and the recent rape one, and I like Fit Via Vi (http://archiveofourown.org/works/223416) and More Bitter Than Hellebore (http://archiveofourown.org/works/169657) though they're less angsty and depressing and could have happy endings in the future. Not much in the way of a fucked-up relationship that continues to be fucked-up after the events of the movie. :(

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Yay fucked-up relationship fic!

I believe I will write some. After Yuletide *sporks Yuletide story*

[carmarthen.livejournal.com]

Yes, write it! Then maybe I won't have to finish my WIP. :-P

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

But that would be bad! I want all the fucked-up relationship fic to be written! Finish the WIP and let it be freeeeeeee!

[carmarthen.livejournal.com]

But I have to finish all the other WIPs! Maybe I should have a New Year's Resolution to finish all my WIPs (ha ha ha).

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

You needn't finish them all. Just the best ones! :D

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

I'm just really glad (on behalf of the universe) that I didn't even know fanfiction existed when I was nineteen, because I would have written reams of angsty crap. Then again, this was Before Internet, so it would all have stayed in my drawer.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

I sometimes think the world would be better if more teenagers knew about fanfic. Writing it helped (what an optimistic use of the past tense. helps) me take out my excess angst on fictional characters rather than real people. Perhaps it would perform the same function for others!

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

"And if they are in love that will definitely be enough for them to get over their issues," which, maybe it won't.

You get a plus-five Mantle of Perceptiveness for that remark, I'd say! If nineteen-year-old you could recognize that fact . . . well good for her, because it's a truth that lots of older people don't want to face.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

I may be ventriloquizing my 19-year-old self with that remark. On the other hand, Love Is Not Enough is kind of a theme in my stories that year, so maybe not.