I am an AUTEUR. I am an ARTISTE.

[osprey_archer]

My fourth hobby—after fanfic, LJ, and cookies—is making movies, which I’ve been doing this week. My films are deep—very, very deep, like mud puddles. I am an auteur and my work all carries within it a theme of insanity: characters who are insane, are being driven insane, or are being ordered around by insane leaders. This is a Kafka-esque commentary on the brutal madness of modern life, not a sign that the Auteur has a limited repertoire of film plots.



Consider, for instance, the Spaghetti-Os movie. A young woman attempts to major in fifty subjects, which causes her to lose her mind. She becomes obsessed, Gollum-like, with a can of Spaghetti-Os, until her friends capture her with a fishing net and have her carted away to an insane asylum.

This impressively artistic feature (it’s black and white and silent) clearly is an indictment of the American collegiate system, which straitjackets students’ minds by insisting that they must imprison themselves in the cage of a single, narrow “major”. The Spaghetti-Os symbolize these small-minded “majors,” which debase knowledge as Spaghetti-Os debase food.

Or take “Remembrance,” in which a juvenile delinquent drives his teacher to madness. In a pivotal scene, the young hooligan throws an apple at his teacher. The apple is obviously a biblical reference, and throwing it at the teacher symbolizes his rejection of knowledge. Is this rejection an indictment of youth culture, which values physical violence more highly than knowledge, or is it a rejection of sin—a rejection doomed to failure, given that it is itself couched in violence?

The film, tragically, is lost, so these questions must remain unanswered.

Last but not least, we reach the auteur’s magnum opus, “Fans in Three Modes.” The story begins with a young lady, an embodiment of Innocence in orange and cream (the colors of orange blossom, the bridal flower), who finds a plate of scarlet strawberries which clearly symbolize Romance. Upon tasting Romance, Innocence is challenged to a hand-fan duel by a female figure in a short skirt, scarlet lipstick, and knee-high high-heeled black boots. Promiscuity defeats Innocence, and celebrates her victory by buying herself a new fan at a boutique.

Clearly, this classic tale is either a celebration or an indictment of the sexual revolution. Which is it? Battles rage throughout the critical establishment.

DEEP.



Other than that, I baked orange chocolate chip cookies this weekend—basically, chocolate chip cookies with orange rind in them. I may use orange extract next time, as the rind made the cookies a touch bitter.

Comments

[silksieve.livejournal.com]

:D

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Hee!

[visualthinker11.livejournal.com]

Wait, did you actually make these? Cause they sound kind of awesome... ; )

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

They sound way awesomer here than they actually are onscreen, because the auteur is tragically hampered by having a budget of zero dollars.

But yeah, I did make these. Except "Remembrance," because the footage got lost before it ever made it to the cutting room. :( It's probably just as well, but it's very sad.

[anait.livejournal.com]

I am an AUTEUR. I am an ARTISTE.
I suspect this is like being a two-syllable AC-TOR.

The film, tragically, is lost, so these questions must remain unanswered.
*sheds a single, opalescent tear*

I would watch any and all of these with the utmost enjoyment! I love stuff that mocks pretentious stuff so much. There's a Canadian tv show called Slings and Arrows that is about the fictitious New Burbage theatre festival, and there is a character called Darren Nichols who embodies this in spades yay!

I may use orange extract next time, as the rind made the cookies a touch bitter.
Maybe a little orange juice instead? I use OJ and orange rind from 2 oranges for really flavourful orange chocolate-chip muffins.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Opalescent tears! Just what I need for my new explody potion!

I feel that any time anyone starts speaking in CAPITAL LETTERS about how her ART (especially if the pronunciation sounds vaguely French), she needs a lollipop and a pat on the head because clearly her inner five-year-old is coming out to play.

Orange juice doesn't have sufficiently concentrated orange flavor to be useful with the recipe I have. I would need to use a recipe with milk or water in it, so I could substitute the orange juice and it wouldn't totally throw off the proportions.

[anait.livejournal.com]

Oh! I remember what I've seen in other recipies that call for orange flavour. They use a small amount of frozen orange juice concentrate instead: lots of flavour, sweet, and no excess liquid.

I'm a bit biased against orange extract, which I don't tend to think is equal to the real stuff; unless, of course, the food item concerned is chocolate.

Have you ever had pumpkin chocolate chip cookies? Really moist, flavourful and delicious!

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

I haven't had pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, but I have had pumpkin bread. MMMMMMMM. It's almost the season for it again...