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Book Review: The Canterville Ghost
Jun. 10th, 2013 12:09 amI actually don’t like most of Oscar Wilde’s work. I didn’t enjoy The Portrait of Dorian Gray at all, and though The Importance of Being Earnest is very funny, I always feel a sort of inchoate mean-spiritedness rising from it. But! I continue to read bits and pieces of his work, and at last I have been rewarded with The Canterville Ghost.
Ever since the Tudor era, Sir Simon has haunted Canterville Chase. He plumes himself on his track record driving its inhabitant to apoplexy and madness through his many disguises.
But then, horrors! the house gets sold - to a bunch of Americans. Rather than recoiling in fear from the irremovable bloodstain on the carpet, they keep erasing it with Pinkerton’s Patent Stain Remover - and rather than give up when the stain keeps coming back, the horrid family takes bets about how the shade of the bloodstain is going to differ day by day!
And when Sir Simons clinks about through the hallways in chains, rather than flee in terror, the father of the house is like, “My dear sir, no one can sleep with you clattering about like that. Here, have some Tammany Rust-Remover to make your chains a bit less loud.”
How is a ghost supposed to deal with unresponsive materialists like that? Sir Simon’s spirit is utterly broken by their lack of appreciation for his art.
I think it’s a pity that Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain never collaborated on a story together. Probably the collaboration would have gone up in flames, because Twain was apparently very sensitive to even the hint that someone looked down at him, while Wilde was a master of looking down at people - he went on a tour of the United States wherein he claimed that the only well-dressed men in America were the cowboys. Their boots showed some sense of style.
So doubtless the whole thing would have ended with Twain tossing an inkpot at Wilde’s head. But even if they didn’t actually manage to write anything, their attempted collaboration would in itself have been a good story. Alas for missed opportunities!
Ever since the Tudor era, Sir Simon has haunted Canterville Chase. He plumes himself on his track record driving its inhabitant to apoplexy and madness through his many disguises.
But then, horrors! the house gets sold - to a bunch of Americans. Rather than recoiling in fear from the irremovable bloodstain on the carpet, they keep erasing it with Pinkerton’s Patent Stain Remover - and rather than give up when the stain keeps coming back, the horrid family takes bets about how the shade of the bloodstain is going to differ day by day!
And when Sir Simons clinks about through the hallways in chains, rather than flee in terror, the father of the house is like, “My dear sir, no one can sleep with you clattering about like that. Here, have some Tammany Rust-Remover to make your chains a bit less loud.”
How is a ghost supposed to deal with unresponsive materialists like that? Sir Simon’s spirit is utterly broken by their lack of appreciation for his art.
I think it’s a pity that Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain never collaborated on a story together. Probably the collaboration would have gone up in flames, because Twain was apparently very sensitive to even the hint that someone looked down at him, while Wilde was a master of looking down at people - he went on a tour of the United States wherein he claimed that the only well-dressed men in America were the cowboys. Their boots showed some sense of style.
So doubtless the whole thing would have ended with Twain tossing an inkpot at Wilde’s head. But even if they didn’t actually manage to write anything, their attempted collaboration would in itself have been a good story. Alas for missed opportunities!
