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osprey_archerI've definitely knocked "semi-homeless person who lives in her car" off my list of possible careers.
Or, let me explain: night before last, here I am sitting in my bed, reading about the Politburo, fan blowing and breeze wafting and yawns growing; going to sleep soon...
Movement catches my eye.
It's a fluttering black handkerchief of doom!
(Otherwise known as a bat.)
I screamed, it retreated, I quivered like Jell-O, it returned, I screamed again, it swooped and cackled maniacally, and I catapulted out of bed and down the stairs and cowered on the couch.
Where I read for another half hour, until I was calm again, at which point I turned out the light...snuggled under the covers...eyelids getting heavy...oh look, there's a pale light arcing across the window...
No wait, that's the glimmering coat of a moonlight-reflective fluttering evil BAT.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--------
Please imagine this scream following me as I flee my cabin to the safety of my car, where I tremble in the back seat (for which I am too big), quiver in the front seat (my dangling feet freeze and fall asleep), and finally - after almost an hour lacking bat related mayhem - doze.
At least the windshield offered a soothing view of the stars.
Or, let me explain: night before last, here I am sitting in my bed, reading about the Politburo, fan blowing and breeze wafting and yawns growing; going to sleep soon...
Movement catches my eye.
It's a fluttering black handkerchief of doom!
(Otherwise known as a bat.)
I screamed, it retreated, I quivered like Jell-O, it returned, I screamed again, it swooped and cackled maniacally, and I catapulted out of bed and down the stairs and cowered on the couch.
Where I read for another half hour, until I was calm again, at which point I turned out the light...snuggled under the covers...eyelids getting heavy...oh look, there's a pale light arcing across the window...
No wait, that's the glimmering coat of a moonlight-reflective fluttering evil BAT.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--------
Please imagine this scream following me as I flee my cabin to the safety of my car, where I tremble in the back seat (for which I am too big), quiver in the front seat (my dangling feet freeze and fall asleep), and finally - after almost an hour lacking bat related mayhem - doze.
At least the windshield offered a soothing view of the stars.
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no subject
Date: 2010-08-08 08:04 pm (UTC)Meanwhile, a night earlier than that, my daughter was standing around with some friends after a jujitsu lesson, waiting for me to come and get her. When I finally did (I was late), she told me, "You know, if you throw a pebble up in the air, a bat will sometimes mistake it for a bug and swoop at it." (Apparently they'd been testing this statement and observing its truth.)
As for crossing future careers off your list, well.... that's not a bad one to eliminate :-)
no subject
Date: 2010-08-08 08:09 pm (UTC)I appreciate bats much more when we're both outside - or when they're outside and I'm inside - when they come inside with me, then they become a Problem.
A couple of my friends, like me, are getting fascinating but semi-useless humanities degrees, and we've had so many long half-joking conversations about living off Spaghetti-Os in unused closets on the edges of university campuses that we made a movie about it. A girl tries to get fifty majors, and between the majors and the hypnotic powers of a possessed can of Spaghetti-Os she eventually goes MAAAAAAAD.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-08 08:14 pm (UTC)...
... a ... baseball??
Is the movie on YouTube? I want to seeeee? And those of my kids who will be graduating college within the next couple of years would want to see it and laugh and weep too, I'm sure.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-08 08:29 pm (UTC)The rough cut was pretty good, though, and set to Exorcist music. Perhaps I'll ask her to post it as-is.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-08 08:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-08 08:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-08 08:29 pm (UTC)True. *nods*
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Date: 2010-08-08 08:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-08 08:44 pm (UTC)I remember one time, I was walking in the evening with one of my friends, and we paused when we saw something in the sky and were like, "Awww, look at those little birds." And then we realized they weren't exactly the right shape for birds, and there were a lot of them, and they were really speedy, and maybe we wanted to go home now.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-08 08:53 pm (UTC)The Bats: a hypothetical companion movie to Hitchcock's The Birds, except even more terrifying.