osprey_archer: (cheers)
osprey_archer ([personal profile] osprey_archer) wrote2011-12-21 09:24 pm

Witches' Clubs etc.

I ransacked my room today searching for a story I wrote AGES ago which I thought would be PERFECT for a Yuletide treat except, sadly, it is not. WOE.

(I did find a truly magnificent character study I wrote in English AP - Lucas Burch from William Faulkner's Light in August, as explicated in a letter sent his parents by his elementary teacher. It's too bad that no one requested something like that for Yuletide, because it's hilarious. "I don't believe it's that he tries to be cheeky - he is just naturally obstreperous.")

However! In the process of ransacking my room I found a stack of my old grade school papers, and YOU GUYS, I was the best tiny person EVER. Here! Here is my "Witches Club Menu" from third grade! (Complete with my own special third grade spelling.)

Pickled bat wings on rye

Dog Bone Brew

Lettuce with Sautead Cicada Legs

Fried Pork with Mud Sauce

Snow White's poison apple, Carmal Dip Added FREE

Jack-o-Lantern Juice

GREAT VALUE MEAL!


But I am probably better summed up by the letter of recommendation my brother wrote for the mock-applications we put together in sixth grade: I think Jennie would do a good job as Lawyer. She has lots of practice at home arguing.

[identity profile] bogwitch64.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 03:38 am (UTC)(link)
Snow White's poison apple, Carmal Dip Added FREE

That is FANTASTIC!! Hahahaha! I want eight-year-old you to cater my next Halloween party.

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 05:53 am (UTC)(link)
I second Bogwitch 64! After Lawyer, your next career can be Halloween caterer!

[identity profile] osprey-archer.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 06:58 pm (UTC)(link)
A friend and I have already discussed plans for a Phantom Bakery! There will be scones and cookies and tea and dry ice fog for atmosphere.

[identity profile] osprey-archer.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 06:59 pm (UTC)(link)
I'll send eight-year-old me a message and we'll see if she gets back to you. She's in high demand, you know!

[identity profile] athenais.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 04:04 am (UTC)(link)
This cracks me up so much. Seriously laughing at your menu. You were an awesome tiny person.

[identity profile] osprey-archer.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 06:59 pm (UTC)(link)
I remember writing it with great relish. It was an awesome assignment.

[identity profile] entwashian.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 06:20 am (UTC)(link)
Mud sauce. :(

[identity profile] osprey-archer.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 06:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Don't worry. The jack-o-lantern juice will wash the taste away. :)

[identity profile] entwashian.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 08:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, good. I couldn't do without the jack-o-lantern juice!

[identity profile] mischiefiable.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 08:23 pm (UTC)(link)
lol! i like that the caramel dip is added free! :D

[identity profile] osprey-archer.livejournal.com 2011-12-22 11:45 pm (UTC)(link)
All the better to hide the poison!