The Nineteenth-Century Novel

[osprey_archer]

The Nineteenth-Century Novel
by Eve Grubin

Sometimes I just want to give in, become
the heroine in a great nineteenth-century novel,
an earnest and suffering young woman
who makes the decision that will ruin
the rest of her life.

Once the decision has been made
I want—in my white nightgown—
to unlatch the shutter, throw
open the window,
cry out into the rain.

If not Cathy could I at least be
Elizabeth Bennet living
on the precipice of vast disappointment,
on the edge of loneliness and family shame.
To dip just under the surface of the worst
and then be pulled out
just in time.

Comments

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

That precipice of vast disappointment is actually quite terrifying to me . . .

. . . Is this reflective of your current mood, or just a poem you appreciate?

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

It's sort of both. I just realized that my plan for next year, such as it was - it was never a very specific or well-thought out plan to begin with - probably won't work. It's not the precipice of a vast disappointment, but it's the precipice of something.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I truly empathize. For myself, those realizations bring with them a kind of panic. But, in my experience, and from what I've seen of others' experience, things *will* work out.

It sounds silly to say it like this, but: it will work out because you are not drug-addicted or suffering otherwise from impaired judgment, because you are *very* intelligent, because you pay attention to things around you (by which I don't just mean physically, but more broadly), and because you have supportive friends and family. So no matter what you end up doing over the next few months, things will work out.

… This may not allay the panic, but I hope it does. Or! You may not be suffering from panic--in which case, good.

Hold on to your writing dream. No one I know makes a living as a writer, but many people I know do make it professionally (not *me* yet, but many people), and I think you can certainly be among them.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I was rather panicking, but the worst of it is over. It was a shock to suddenly have to confront the reality or lack thereof of plans that had hitherto been rather vague and rosy-colored, but I'm getting used to it now.