The quote and your thoughts on it--I agree, and with this corollary: people do what they're encouraged to do by social cues. If social cues are telling you that kindness is hypocritical bullshit, that only your meanness and your hidden dark thoughts are valid, then those are what you'll show. Whereas if people vocally and visibly support good behavior and praise it, (more) people will behave, because they want that sweet sweet praise and approval.
My sister described a clear example of that on FB the other day. People in her town forum were on a downward spiral of criticizing teens for not being on-board enough with mask wearing, and this was leading to criticizing the parents and general sniping back and forth, and she apparently wrote a thing talking about how she was such an excellent parent before she had kids, and still a good parent when she could physically lift the kids out of a situation, but that once her boys got big enough and independent enough to act on their own, she became a humble parent, because though she tried to set a good example and teach them good values, they didn't always act in ways that she was proud of. She said it really does take a village, and that she's grateful for people who correct bad behavior but in a kindly way. ---And then her tone reset led to bunches of people chiming in saying yeah, it's a good community; yes, parenting is hard; yes, we need to work on these things together.
The people hadn't changed, and the mix of things they felt hadn't changed, but with everyone liking the post, etc., it suddenly became important to be taking a positive tone.
... This comes across like I'm boasting about my sister, which embarrasses me, but I use the example because it literally happened yesterday, and because FB can be such a caustic, toxic place.
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My sister described a clear example of that on FB the other day. People in her town forum were on a downward spiral of criticizing teens for not being on-board enough with mask wearing, and this was leading to criticizing the parents and general sniping back and forth, and she apparently wrote a thing talking about how she was such an excellent parent before she had kids, and still a good parent when she could physically lift the kids out of a situation, but that once her boys got big enough and independent enough to act on their own, she became a humble parent, because though she tried to set a good example and teach them good values, they didn't always act in ways that she was proud of. She said it really does take a village, and that she's grateful for people who correct bad behavior but in a kindly way. ---And then her tone reset led to bunches of people chiming in saying yeah, it's a good community; yes, parenting is hard; yes, we need to work on these things together.
The people hadn't changed, and the mix of things they felt hadn't changed, but with everyone liking the post, etc., it suddenly became important to be taking a positive tone.
... This comes across like I'm boasting about my sister, which embarrasses me, but I use the example because it literally happened yesterday, and because FB can be such a caustic, toxic place.