Even focusing on getting the chance to do some criticizing doesn't help me much. Part of what gets in the way of my telling people things that have upset me is that I start imagining their replies (I know the Oneida folks don't get to talk back, but I imagine the hurt/anger/unjustified self righteousness/misunderstanding I'd see in their eyes), and then my replies to their replies, and then it's playing out in my head like an exhausting mental chess game, and I end up thinking, "Better than talking about this is for me to try to avoid situations that provoke whatever-it-is that bothered me." That's not an optimal response, I know, and it's something I'm trying to change, but that tendency in me keeps me from finding even the getting-to-criticize side of things cathartic. It would only feel cathartic if I could be sure the other person understood, agreed, and was remorseful.