*is flattered* I have always wanted to write stories that are simultaneously hilarious and painful, and it's lovely to know I've succeeded.

This is another one of those stories that is all your fault, by the way. It's an h/c story with Jack doing the h, except the c seems to have been left out.

I'm not sure what you mean by Two and Four being "academic"--is it just a reference to the fact that neither of them bleed all over anything?